


Sky Blue Winchester

by AGJ1990



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-24 21:55:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22005079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGJ1990/pseuds/AGJ1990
Summary: Prequel to Raindrops on Winchesters. After arguing with her father over whether she can color her hair, Ellie decides to do it anyway.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. The original character of Ellie Winchester does.

For once in her life, Ellie Winchester was happy.

As she blow dried her long, thick hair, the sick feeling of nervousness caused her stomach to clench. It was way too late to turn back now. But the thrill of a different look exhilarated her. So she turned off the hair dryer and looked in the mirror.

“You’ve got this.”

“Sis! I’m back!”

Ellie took a breath. She heard Sam put down the grocery bags he’d gone to retrieve and called out to him. “I’m in here. Be out in a minute.”

“You okay? You’re still in the bathroom?”

“Yeah. Sam, listen. When I come out, I need you to not laugh at me, okay?”

“Why would I laugh at you?”

“Just promise me.” Ellie said, trying hard not to beg. “Promise me or I stay in here.”

“Okay, okay. I promise.”

“Alright. I’m coming out.”

John stared out the window, his thoughts an hour away with his two younger children. Twins Sam and Ellie had recently turned thirteen. While John had his own troubles with Sam, it was Ellie that was troubling him right now. She had entered a stage that John had somewhat known was coming, but hoped he could avoid. Ellie was convinced she wasn’t pretty. No matter how many times both her brothers tried to convince her that she was, Ellie never believed them. She’d turned to her father for some sort of support, but, much to John’s regret now, he’d told her to ‘stop worrying everyone because we have other things to do’.

That had been a week earlier, and Ellie had gone quiet after that. She would go to school, come home, bury herself in her room to complete her homework, came out to eat dinner, then went to bed. That had lasted five days, until Ellie came out and approached John at the kitchen table. John had been researching for the hunt he was currently on. He’d seen her approach the table, stand there and go back and forth on the balls of her feet. John had continued working, knowing she’d eventually ask whatever was on her mind. She did, and a rare fight between John and Ellie was underway.

_A Week Later_

_“Dad, can I ask you for something?”_

_“You can ask.”_

_“You promise you’ll hear me out?” Ellie asked. “You won’t say no until I’m finished talking all the way?”_

_John sighed. Ellie was a good kid, and she didn’t argue with him often. One of the only full fledged fights the two of them had ever had started when Ellie accused John of constantly interrupting her and Sam when they came to ask him for things. John’s first instinct had been to tell Ellie she was wrong, but after a little thought, he’d agreed and promised to work on stopping, if and only if Sam and Ellie both would work on being more accepting when he did tell them no._

_“I promise I’ll hear you out. What is it?”_

_Ellie breathed out and finally asked her question. “Can I color my hair?”_

_John stopped working and immediately looked up. “What?”_

_“Can I color my hair?” Ellie repeated._

_Wanting to rant and rave, but remembering his promise not to interrupt Ellie, John waited. But inside, he was fuming. Ellie was a carbon copy of her late mother Mary. Long, wavy blonde hair that often made John revisit both good and painful memories. The thought of Ellie ever losing that beautiful hair made him panic. Ellie hadn’t said anything else, so John swiftly quelled her request._

_“No.”_

_“Dad, please…”_

_“I said no, Ellison.” John said again. “The answer is no.”_

_“Please, Dad? I just want to do something different…”_

_“I will not tell you again. The answer is NO. Ask me again and I’ll give you the answer while you’re over my knee. Understand?”_

_“Why can’t YOU understand?” Ellie fumed, then turned and stormed off._

_“ELLISON WINCHESTER, GET BACK HERE NOW!” John was mildly surprised when Ellie turned back and stopped just out of range of his hand. “What is wrong with you?”_

_“Nothing.”_

_“I’m giving you a chance here. If nothing’s wrong, then why did you stomp away from me? You know better than that.”_

_“It’s my hair. Why can’t I do what I want with it?”_

_“Coloring your hair is expensive…”_

_“I have the money. I can pay for it.”_

_“How do you have the money?”_

_“From working for uncle Bobby the last few times we were there. I asked him about doing chores for some pocket money. He gave me some birthday money too.”_

_“Bring it here. All of it.”  
  
_

_“What?”_

_“The money uncle Bobby paid you. Bring it here. Now.” John demanded._

_“No.”_

_John was stunned. “Excuse me?”_

_“I said no. It’s my money, I earned it.”_

_“It’s that or a spanking. What’s your choice?”_

_“The spanking. It’s my money, I’m not giving it up.”_

_Suddenly, John was tired. He wanted to finish the research for this hunt, go on the hunt, and come back. He didn’t want to get into a fight with Ellie. Whenever they did argue, if it wasn’t settled right away, Ellie would be hurt and the wounded look in her eyes would be too much for John to take._

_“Just go to your room, Ellie. We’ll talk about this when I come back.”_

_“No, we won’t. You’ll never bring it up again and hope I’ll forget about it.”_

_“Fine. You’re right. Like I said, the answer is no. You’re not coloring your hair.”_

_“Can I go to my room now, please?” Ellie asked, deflating as she gave up the argument._

_“Go on.”_

“Dad?”

John was snapped out of his daydream by Dean’s voice. “Yeah?”

“The light’s been green for a minute. You okay?”  
  


“Oh. Thanks.” John said, moving forward.

“You okay, Dad? You look kinda weird.”

“Weird?”

“Like you’re distracted.” Dean explained.

John sighed. “I’ve been thinking about your sister.”

“About the fight you two had before we left? Coloring her hair?”

“How’d you know? You and Sam were gone when that happened.”

“Because she asked me first. I told her I didn’t care, that she had to ask you.” Dean explained.

“I just don’t understand why she thinks she needs to change the way she looks to be beautiful.” John said. “She already is.”

“Have you told her that?”

“What? Of course I have.”

“You’ve actually said that to her? That she’s pretty? I know Sam and I have, but she needs to hear it from you too, Dad.”

“She knows I feel that way.”

Dean sighed. “If she knows that, then why does she want to change how she looks?”

Dean’s answer caused John to think. He never actually had said the words ‘you’re beautiful’ to Ellie. Remembering being married to Mary, and how quickly her mood would change when he reminded her how beautiful he thought she was, he wondered how swiftly Mary would’ve kicked his ass over not making Ellie feel just as pretty and special. John decided to allow Ellie to cut and style her hair any way she wanted, as long as she left the color alone for now.

Back at their small rental apartment, Sam’s mouth was dragging the floor. Ellie was shifting from foot to foot, the awkwardness actually painful. Sam recovered himself and asked, amazed,

“What did you do?”

Ellie shrugged. “You like it?”

“Dad’s gonna kick your ass for this.”

“I know. But I don’t care. It’s my hair. I asked if _you_ like it.”

“I love it.” Sam said. “I really do.”

Ellie smiled. “Thanks, Sammy.”

“And whatever happens with Dad, I’m here for you.”

Ellie didn’t get a chance to thank Sam for his support, because the door opened at that moment and Dean and John stepped through. John started to say something, but stopped short at the sight of Ellie. In the space of five seconds, Sam and Ellie watched as John’s face passed from recognition to shock to anger.

Ellie had colored her hair bright blue.


	2. Chapter 2

Ellie watched as her father’s mouth failed to work. Sam stood next to her and grabbed her hand, something each of them did when in trouble, whether or not they were in trouble together. John noticed and normally it was enough to temper his fury. But not now.

Dean had just shut the door, and was the last to realize something was wrong. He first noticed Sam standing with Ellie, and Sam holding Ellie’s hand, which immediately set him on edge. When Sam and Ellie had been younger, holding hands had been an everyday thing. It was the way the two of them kept up with each other, the way they communicated, the way they were friends when they were all each other had. Dean then saw what had drawn his father’s silent fury-his sister’s hair.

“Wow,” was all Dean could think to say.

“Wow is exactly right.” John seethed. He put his duffel bag on the floor beside him and barely restrained his temper. “What. Did. You. Do?”

“I colored my hair.” Ellie answered.

“I see that. I told you no.”

Ellie swallowed and squeezed Sam’s hand, pulling up every ounce of bravery she could summon. “I did it anyway.”

“You…” John chuckled humorlessly. “You did it anyway.”

“Yes, sir.” Ellie said.

“And what exactly gave you that right to do it anyway?” John asked.

“I told you. It’s my hair, and I wanted to do it, so I did it.”

Ellie had seen a cartoon once where someone got mad and steam came out of their ears. She’d always thought, until now, that it was funny. She could almost see the steam coming out of her father’s ears, and it was anything but funny. She felt Sam squeeze her hand, and was grateful for the comfort. She squeezed Sam’s hand back, waiting for the inevitable explosion from John.

“Dad, come on, let’s talk about this…” Dean suggested, trying to calm his father down before John said something that he’d regret.

John’s reaction shocked everyone. In the midst of his anger, he heard Mary’s voice, saying something she’d said to him years ago. Dean had been four at the time, jealous because his parents were paying more attention to the two new babies in the house instead of him. Dean had done something, the particulars of which John couldn’t remember, but Mary had been very clear. _Don’t be angry. He needs Daddy to love him right now._ John collected himself by looking away, out the window, and finally turned back to Sam and Ellie.

“Go to bed.”

“Daddy…”

“Ellison, go to bed. Now.”

“Please just listen to me.”

“I _did._ ” John seethed. “I gave you the chance to explain yourself, did I not?”

“Sort of.”

“Sort of?” John asked. Frustrated, John turned around and told her again, “Go to bed.”

“Why?”

“Because if you don’t, I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.” John said. “You’ve got three seconds to go to your bed before you’re doing it crying.”

Ellie didn’t waste any time, turning on her heel and heading to the room she shared with Sam. Sam didn’t immediately follow her. He stood staring at John, shooting daggers at him.

“What is it, Sam?”

“Nothing, Dad.” Sam said, deciding not to make things any worse.

Sam walked to his and Ellie’s room and shut the door behind him. Dean wondered how this was going to go. Ellie had always been the easy twin. Sure, she had her share of fights with Dad, but she always gave in to John much more easily than Sam did. Surprisingly, at least to Dean, it seemed to be Ellie’s more accepting nature that made John give in to her more often. Dean started to say something, anything, to calm the situation down, when he noticed that John had his hand on the door.

“I’ll be back, Dean.”

“Sure, Dad.”

“Ellie goes to bed now, Sam goes in two hours.” John said.

“Dad…”

“Not now, Dean. Just…not now.”

Dean wisely chose not to say anything. He headed towards Ellie and Sam’s room when John left. He opened the door and found Sam on the bed, comforting a crying Ellie. Dean took a seat on the bed, making Ellie stop crying and look up at him. Dean put on a fake smile and reached over to take Ellie’s hair.

“This is an…interesting choice.”

Ellie sniffed. “I just wanted to do something fun.”

“Is that really why you did it?”

Ellie shrugged. “Mostly.”

“Mostly means there’s something else. Can you tell me what else there is? Please?”

“I don’t know.”

“El? Babe, come on. Give me something here. Please.” Dean begged. “Give me something I can work with.”

“It’s my hair, Dean. I should be able to do what I want with it.”

Dean sighed. In truth, he agreed. He didn’t see any harm in Ellie experimenting with her hair. There were much worse things she could be doing. But Dad had said no, and Ellie went against him, which just wasn’t okay. No matter how much he agreed with Ellie, Dean had to enforce Dad’s rules.

“Dad said no, Ellie. No means no.” Dean said, as gently as he could.

Ellie’s eyes filled with tears that she tried to hide. “I know.”

Dean sighed. “What am I gonna do with you, Ellie bug?”

“What do you think he’s gonna do?” Ellie asked, trying to get herself under control.

“I think you know the answer to that.”

Ellie let out a little whine, and Sam attempted to comfort her by pulling her in for a hug. Dean grabbed her hand. “Hey. I’ll be right here.”

“Will you brush my hair?” Ellie asked. “You know, after?”

Dean smiled. When Ellie was upset, she tended to seek out either Sam’s company or Dean with a hairbrush. Dean had never been able to explain it, and he hoped he would never have to, but Ellie always calmed down instantly whenever Dean brushed her hair. Even at thirteen, she sometimes fell asleep when he did it.

“You got it, kiddo. But you have to go to bed right now.” Dean said. “No sense worrying about it until you have to.”

Ellie nodded. “Okay, Dee.”

“Sam, Dad said you have to go in two hours. You want to…”

“I’m staying right here.” Sam said immediately.

_Of course,_ Dean thought to himself. “Okay, you two. I know you’re not really going to sleep, but I want you to keep quiet. When Dad asks me if you’ve been asleep, I want to be able to tell him you have been. Got it?”

“Got it.” Ellie and Sam said together.

“I’m out here if you need me.”

“Night, Dee. Love you.” Ellie said.

“Love you too, kiddo.”

John ordered another beer. He’d left the apartment in a huff, and knew that he’d made everything worse by doing it. He was now, sitting at his barstool and attempting to numb his sorrows through the bottle in his hand, reliving the most pleasant memories he could summon in an attempt to tell himself that one day, everything would get better. Mary holding Sam in one arm and Ellie in another. Sam and Ellie refusing to sleep as babies unless the other one was there with them. Sam clinging to one of his legs and Ellie clinging to the other, giggling ferociously and causing a rare smile for John.

But those memories went out the window when the beer arrived. He drank almost the entire thing in one gulp, knowing he was now probably too drunk to drive home. He thought about what Ellie had said before leaving for the hunt. _It’s my hair. Why can’t I do what I want with it?_ John knew, without a doubt, that Mary likely would’ve agreed. She may have even helped Ellie do it. As he finished his third, and final, beer, John made a mistake. A big mistake.

He pulled out his wallet to pay, and ran across the only picture he had of Mary and Ellie.

Ellie was three months old in the picture, and was sitting on Mary’s lap. John wasn’t focused as much on Ellie as he was on Mary. Mary’s back was to the camera, but John could see her long, beautiful blonde hair. The hair that Ellie had possessed until earlier that day, giving her father bittersweet memories of a time that would never come again.

It didn’t matter what Mary would’ve done in this situation. She wasn’t here.

John then thought about the last time Ellie had disobeyed him this strongly. It had been eighteen months earlier. They were moving again. They were moving the night of a talent show at Sam and Ellie’s school. Ellie had won a part in the show, and wanted desperately to be able to perform. But they had a hunt, and John had told her she needed to help her brothers pack and be ready to go when he got back from getting supplies. Apparently, the second Dean had turned his back, Ellie snuck out of the house, headed to the school, and performed in the show anyway.

John had arrived at the school just as Ellie finished her song. He was surprised to see she received a standing ovation, and some in the audience were even shouting ‘encore!’. Had he been a little more clear headed, John never would have done what he did. He’d walked straight down the aisle, up on the stage, grabbed Ellie by the arm and dragged her, kicking and fighting all the way back to the Impala.

John didn’t spank often. It made Dean anxious, Sam resentful, and Ellie fearful of him. But after a long argument and lecture about holding them up and gaining unnecessary attention for them, in which neither of them listened to the other, John had spanked Ellie with the belt for the first time. He’d spanked her a few times before, but Ellie refused to have anything to do with him for nearly two weeks after that. She became quiet and subdued, answering him only when absolutely necessary. She answered every question with ‘sir’, and ‘dad’ never came out of her mouth. She flinched when he touched her, and John had very nearly apologized for spanking her in the hopes that she’d come back to him. Instead, he’d sat her down and had a long discussion with her again on why listening to him was important, and why he needed to know where she was at all times. But, unlike so many of his discussions with Dean or Sam about similar issues, he’d done the one thing he feared above all others.

“I wish I knew how to make you not be afraid of me. For that, I’m sorry. I know I’m not the father you deserve. I wish I could give you all the things you and your brother want so badly. If giving up my life meant you and your brothers would be safe and never have to deal with an ounce of pain, I’d do it and never look back. But there’s no way to do that and keep you both safe. I will not chance something happening to you. I love you, Ellison. I love you so much that I can’t stand it. If anything happened to you, life wouldn’t be worth it anymore.”

His speech had seemed to get through to Ellie, who responded by hugging his neck and not letting him go for a long while that night. After that, things had seemed to go as back to normal as they could go. John finished paying for his beer and began heading back to the apartment.

He walked the six blocks back. As he’d sat in the bar, he’d been assuming that he’d spank Ellie for not listening to him. But the thought of going through another two weeks of Ellie being scared of him was too much. Then, he remembered something. He hadn’t meant it when he’d said it, but when he’d spanked Ellie for going to the party, he’d threatened another punishment if she disobeyed him again. He needed to make a strong point, and this was the way to do it. It would hurt like hell, for Ellie, Sam, and Dean, but he had to do it.

When John opened the apartment door, he found Dean sitting in the recliner looking through a magazine. Dean checked the clock, surprised that John was home so soon. John closed the door behind him and toed the salt line back into place.

“Is your sister asleep?

“Probably not. It’s only been an hour and a half since you left.”

“Where’s Sam?”

“In the bedroom with Ellie.”

“Go get them and bring them in here.”

Dean didn’t hesitate, but something in his dad’s voice shook him to the core. Ellie and Sam came out, and John could see her shaking. He knew what she thought was coming, and for once, John wished she was right.

“Sit down, Ellison.”   
  


Ellie took a seat on the couch, looking away from her father and towards the floor. Sam sat next to her, and John didn’t bother telling him to go to bed. He saw Dean start to suggest it, but John held up a hand.

“No, Dean. You and Sam need to hear this too.” John folded his arms and put on his ‘dad’ mask. “Ellison, look at me.”

Ellie looked up into the eyes of what she thought was her angry father. She still said nothing, for there was nothing she could say.

“I have made it clear, to all of you, why you need to obey me when I tell you something. I am sick and tired of fighting with you and your brother over it. I heard you out when you asked me about coloring your hair. I gave you the chance to tell me anything more that was going on, and you didn’t take it. Wanting to do something is not a good enough reason to do it when I say no. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.” Ellie responded, so quietly John very nearly didn’t hear her.

“When you ran away to that talent show, I told you what would happen the next time you didn’t listen to me. I hoped I would never have to do this, but you’ve given me no choice.”

Ellie’s eyes widened in fear. “Dad…”

“It’s done, Ellison.”

“What’s done? Dad, what’s going on?” Sam asked, speaking for the first time since John came home.

“I told you. If you don’t listen to me, you can’t stay with us. Go into your room and pack a bag.” John said, ignoring Sam’s question. “I’m putting you on a bus to Bobby’s in the morning.”

“How long is she supposed to be gone?” Sam asked angrily.

Preparing for the blast wave of anger, John pursed his lips and answered, “Indefinitely.”


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So, I decided to work on this story a little more. It’s been a while, so here’s a recap. Ellie is Sam’s twin sister and Dean’s younger sister. While her brothers and father are out, Ellie decides to color her hair, something that her father had expressly forbidden her to do. John’s punishment for disobeying him is much harsher than anybody could imagine. In this chapter, Sam confronts his father and brother about John’s sentence. In the next chapter, John wallows in self-pity and waffles about his decision.**

“How long is she supposed to be gone?” Sam asked angrily.

Preparing for the blast wave of anger, John pursed his lips and answered, “Indefinitely.”

Sam didn’t disappoint. “WHAT?”

“Don’t yell at me, son. Help your sister pack her bags.”

“NO! You can’t be serious! She colors her hair and you get rid of her like trash! No, this isn’t happening.”

“You don’t tell me what’s happening and what isn’t. That’s not your call.” John said with gritted teeth, careful to not raise his voice, fearing it would cause the argument to explode. “I’ll give you one more chance. Help your sister pack a bag or you’ll be the one having trouble sleeping tonight.”

“You’re abandoning her. You already leave us all the time, now you’re making her leave. You’re always saying family’s the most important thing. Just answer me. How does this show her what she means to you?”

“Sammy.” The quiet voice in the corner made Sam and Dean turn and John close his eyes. Ellie was crying steadily and pleading with her brother. “Please stop fighting with Dad.”

“No. No, this is wrong. This is _so wrong_. Why aren’t you angry about this?”

“He did say he’d do it if I didn’t listen to him again. I don’t want you to fight with him. Please.” Ellie begged. “Please just help me pack.”

Sam was torn. He didn’t care about getting a spanking for fighting with his dad now. That wouldn’t hurt as bad as this did. Ellie was his only friend. She kept him sane when they moved over and over and over again. They spent many whispered nights talking about their plans to get away from hunting and live their own lives. Sam wanted to be a lawyer, and after many nights of getting Ellie to talk, she admitted that her dream was of the family the two of them had never gotten to experience-her being the mom, meeting some nice guy to be the dad and husband, a couple of kids. She was willing to do whatever she had to for a job to support her for now imaginary family, but she wanted that family more than anything else.

Sam never told her, but Ellie’s dream sounded just as good, if not better, than his.

Right now, Sam decided, he’d help Ellie. He couldn’t understand it, but Ellie seemed to have an unconditional amount of admiration for their father. She hated the idea of angering him, and the thought of him being disappointed in her terrified her so much that she had thrown up from the worry before. When Sam and John fought, Ellie begged them both to stop. He’d pack her bags, hold her that night while she cried, and give John a hard time over the next few days until John either made Sam join Ellie or sent him somewhere else-in which case, he’d just run away to be with Ellie anyway. A disgusted Sam turned towards his father.

“This isn’t over.”

“I’m sure it’s not.” John said dryly.

“Daddy? Please don’t leave again.” Ellie begged, wiping her face and trying so hard to stop crying. “I won’t beg and I’ll try to stop crying, just please don’t leave.”

“I have…stuff to do.” John said lamely. “Pack your bags and go to bed.”

“Yes, sir. I love you.”

_Damn it,_ John thought to himself. Exactly what he hadn’t wanted to hear. “I love you too.”

John left and the room was thick with tension. Dean was still standing, looking distraught and unsure what to do. He’d always been sure that his father was doing his best, that he knew what the three of them needed and gave it to them, even if it made them hate him. But this? This made no sense to Dean at all. How could Dean or John protect either of his younger siblings if they weren’t all together? Sam was standing and glaring at him, which was enough to break Dean’s shock.

“What, Sam?”

“You said _nothing_. Not a damn thing to Dad. What’s wrong with you?”

“Don’t start, Sam.” Dean said. “El, you need any help?”

“Ellie, I’ll be right there.” Sam said.

Ellie nodded and walked over to the bed she shared with Sam. She was still crying, wiping her face as she tried to pack her things away.

“Come outside.” Dean said to Sam.

“What?”

“Come outside. You’re not gonna be satisfied until you chew me out, so just do it outside so Ellie doesn’t hear you.”

“Fine. El, we’ll be back, okay?”

Ellie nodded again, and Sam and Dean stepped outside. As Dean shut the door behind him, Sam started in on him again. “You’re okay with this, aren’t you?”

“No, Sam. I hate this. I _hate_ this, okay?”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Sam whisper-yelled.

“How the hell do I change Dad’s mind, Sam? Tell me how to do that.”

“You could at least try. Tell Dad that he’s wrong. Tell him that if he does this, he has to send you and me away too. Tell him it’s cruel, tell him that he’ll lose Ellie, tell him _something…_ ”

_If I do that, Sam, you’ll be alone. All alone. No._ “I can’t do that, Sam…”

“Right. Because God forbid John Winchester is ever wrong.”

“Sam, listen to me. I mean it. When we take Ellie to the bus station in the morning, you don’t start any crap with Dad. Nothing. You give Ellie a hug and you don’t say anything else about it. Got it?”

“No. Not this time.”

“Sam, just think about it. If you do what Dad wants, if Ellie does what Dad wants, don’t you think he’ll come to see that it’s wrong?”

Sam laughed mirthlessly. “Dad? Admit that he’s _wrong about something_? No, Dean. I don’t see that happening.”

“Will you please just give it a try? Just do it for me. Do it for Ellie. Please, Sam. This is hard enough without you making it worse.”

“I knew that was coming. That it would somehow be my fault.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“No. You didn’t. But I am going to say this. If Dad sends her away tomorrow, the both of you better drug me and lock me up. Because I’m not leaving her alone.” Sam said. “And I’ll tell you something else. You and Dad mean everything to Ellie. She would die for you. And the sad part of it? Even though it should, this probably won’t change that. Just think about that tomorrow night when she’s not here and she’s sitting all alone in the bed at Bobby’s, crying herself to sleep. Like she does _every time_ you and Dad are gone. I hope you can live with that.”

Sam said nothing else, turning and going inside to help Ellie pack her bags. Dean punched the wall next to the door, groaning at the pain that shot through his knuckles. Unable to face either of his baby siblings, he sat outside the room for more than an hour. When he went back inside, he found Sam and Ellie in a position he’d found them in many times since the two of them came home from the hospital after they were born. Sam’s arm around Ellie, Ellie’s arm around Sam, and the two of them hanging onto each other in a bond that John and Dean just couldn’t comprehend. The thought of breaking that bond the next day drove a stake through Dean’s heart. Dean took the blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped the two of them up.

“I’m sorry, baby girl. I’ll fix this as soon as I can.”


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okay. I got another PM criticizing my view of John last night. I’m going to, again, explain my view on him. Again, this is MY VIEW on John Winchester. You can share my take on him or not. Either way, please be nice about it.**

**He was an amazing hunter. I think he loved his children more than anything else, but his priorities were screwed up. I think, as he got older, he knew that he’d messed up, but it was too late to undo the damage he did. I think if he’d lived longer, he would have tried to make it up to Sam and Dean, but he never got the chance.**

**One more thing. Did anyone see that Supernatural finale last night? Without leaving spoilers in the reviews, what did you think?**

**I will _definitely_ be writing something about it in the next few days. I will put a spoiler warning on the story when I post it, but it’s just too good to pass up. **

The alcohol did nothing to dull the ache. It hardly ever did anymore.

John had known the second he pronounced what was going to happen that he’d gone too far. Ellie already believed she had to work for his affection. He did everything he could to show Ellie that he loved her, with no limit or restriction, and that nothing could make him change his mind. But here they were. Stuck in another loop of Winchester kid messes up, Dad reacts too harshly, and everything goes to hell.

“Another one?” The tall, blonde, busty bartender that would’ve had Dean drooling if he’d been here asked.

“Sure. Why not?” John said.

The bartender filled his glass again and attempted a brief conversation, which John shut down swiftly. He didn’t want to talk now. He just wanted to drown himself so he didn’t have to face the damage he was surely going to do in the morning. _They’d probably be better off,_ John thought, downing another drink as he thought it.

The more he tried to drown his sorrows, the more Ellie’s face intruded on his thoughts. Of all three of his children, Ellie was the one who tugged on his hardened heart the most. Ellie had only been six months old when Mary died, but she made her grief known. She would cry until she was blue in the face, and only settle down once her Daddy picked her up. She would fall asleep on his shoulder and wake up the second he put her down. She was the last of his children to speak, and her first word, at seventeen months old, had been a clear and distinct _Daddy!_ John could hear her in his dreams sometimes calling for him. On the better nights, she would be a little girl, no older than two or three, running towards him with her arms outstretched and an ear to ear grin on her face. John would pick her up and Ellie would talk. Talk about how much she missed him, how much she loved him, and how great of a daddy he was.

He had a feeling tonight, and every night after tonight for a long while, would be a bad night.

The bad nights had started with Ellie’s separation anxiety phase. When Ellie and Sam had turned five and started school, John had decided Dean was old enough to be left alone with longer periods. Before then, Ellie would cry if he left, but she was easily comforted with the thought that _Daddy will be back once the moon’s come up three times_ or _When Daddy comes back, he’ll stay for at least three whole days._ Once John started taking hunts that were longer, Ellie began her first rebellious streak. She’d cry, scream, hide John’s car keys-anything she could think of to get him to stay. She’d even gone as far as hurting Sam one night, pushing him down and making him hit his head on the edge of a table, earning her the first real spanking she’d ever gotten, all because she knew that John wouldn’t leave until she’d been punished for it. Those were the nights that John would dream of Ellie searching for him, calling for him, and asking him why he wouldn’t help her. Why he wouldn’t save her. Even when he tried to search for Ellie in the dream, she continued to ask him why he wouldn’t save her.

The thought of separating Sam and Ellie terrified him as well. Someone had warned him and Mary before Sam and Ellie were born that the two of them would be best friends and worst enemies. Never before had a piece of advice been so accurate. Eighty percent of the time, Sam and Ellie were the best of friends. They shared toys, clothes, books, and possessions without arguing. From the time they’d started making sounds as infants, they’d even had their own language that neither their father nor their older brother was privy to. Though the secret language had faded with time, Sam and Ellie’s bond had only gotten stronger. When Ellie got sick, Sam was the one who felt ‘off’ for a day or two beforehand and vice versa. In one notable incident, Sam had gotten a stomachache the day before Ellie collapsed at school with severe appendicitis. When Ellie was sad, Sam was depressed. When Sam was frustrated, Ellie couldn’t focus on anything. The two of them were so similar it was scary.

But the similarities brought one major downside. Their fights were epic. John wondered sometimes whether he should put the two of them together in a locked room when they fought and just let them duke it out until one of them came out a winner. But he knew the truth, and it killed him. The thing that Sam and Ellie fought about the most?

John.

Sam didn’t understand Ellie’s devotion to their father. Ellie wanted nothing more than for her father to be there with her. Ellie was never more content than when she was sitting on a couch talking with John or laying down sleeping with her head on his lap. Ellie wasn’t crazy about the hunting life, but as long as her father stayed in her life, she was willing to do her best.

When John weighed a decision and didn’t jump in headfirst, he sometimes thought about it in terms of tomorrow. If he killed the thing that killed Mary tomorrow, and was able to give Sam and Ellie and even Dean the normal life they so very much deserved, would the three of them trust him enough to _want_ to have a life with their father in it? The thought that they’d ever want to reject John broke his heart.

But the fact remained. Ellie needed to obey him unconditionally. When he said no, the answer was no and she had to live with that. If they were on a hunt, and Ellie went against him the way she had today, it could kill her. And that would kill him. Keeping his children safe had to come before their happiness, even if it meant they hated him. And to keep them safe, he had to know they’d listen to him, even when he wasn’t there.

Maybe, John decided, if he said that to himself enough times, he’d come to believe it.

John paid for his drinks and left. He knew beyond a doubt he was too drunk to drive, so he sat in the driver’s seat intending to sleep it off. He’d found Ellie a late bus, one that didn’t leave until the late afternoon, so he’d give her and Sam the day the next day. Hopefully, he thought, by the time Ellie left, things would be calm enough to put Ellie on the bus without a fight on Sam’s side or tears on Ellie’s.

_Fat chance,_ John thought.

Across town, Dean was still wide awake. John had left nearly three hours before, and Dean was still considering taking his siblings and just leaving. Where he would go, he didn’t know, but anything was better than splitting them up. Ellie had woken up crying at one point in the night, only to go straight back to sleep when Sam shushed her and gave her a hug. Dean’s mind was firing with the memories he had of his baby sister. The way she’d go right back to sleep as a baby when he held her in just the right way. The way she’d beg him for a story every night, even when he knew that Ellie was too sleepy to stay awake for one. The way she’d hold his hand when Dean was hurt, no matter how grave his injury.

Ellie meant everything to Dean.

How could he let her leave the next day?

Sure, she was only going to Bobby’s. She’d be fine. Bobby loved all of them, and would protect Ellie without asking for anything in return. He’d probably spoil her too, Dean thought with an amused grin. Ellie could get the moon from Bobby if she asked him the right way, and she knew it. Dean tried to cheer himself up. He knew that going to Bobby’s, even with strict instructions from John about training or some kind of punishment that he expected Bobby to enforce, Ellie would have relative freedom. Maybe she’d be able to do something she’d never dream about doing with her father. Ellie was artistic, but like Sam’s academic smarts, that part of her personality tended to be stifled by John when it didn’t serve their hunting purposes. She loved to draw, sing, put on plays-anything where she got to do or be something other than what she was. Maybe if she left, at least for a while, she’d get to stretch those artistic muscles.

Nope. It didn’t work.

Dean walked back in and checked the clock. Three in the morning. John wasn’t back yet, not that that was a surprise. Dean expected him to stumble back in with the sun, reeking of alcohol, ordering them all around. Knowing that he’d never make it through the next day without at least a little bit of sleep, Dean laid down and closed his eyes and prepared himself for the nightmare that would come true when he woke up.

Sam opened his eyes a few hours later. The sun was up, and he was surprised his father had not woken them all up, demanding that they train and do whatever he deemed productive for the day. When he noticed the time, Sam wondered if maybe, just maybe, his dad had decided to do something nice for them for a change and actually give them a day off. _Serious wishful thinking there, Sam_.

Dean was still asleep, as was Ellie, so Sam went to the bathroom and thought about what to do for Ellie. Sam had told Ellie often that Dad would separate them one day as punishment for something. It was the only thing that had stopped Sam from running away more than he already had. Ellie refused to believe it, claiming that Dad wouldn’t be that cruel. But this wasn’t an I told you so moment. This was really happening. Unless Sam staged some kind of major revolt, starting that night, he’d lose his best friend.

But active rebellion had never worked before. It only served to piss off Dad, which in turn pissed off Dean, which in turn made Ellie cry. So, Sam decided, he’d go with a path of malicious compliance and passive resistance. He’d do whatever Dad told him to, with the bare minimum of effort. Maybe, if he made some sign of peace with Dad, no matter how rocky it was, the separation wouldn’t be as long or as painful.

Maybe.

But he wouldn’t keep it up forever. One month. He’d give Dad one month of peace. If Ellie wasn’t back with them by then, or if they hadn’t at least visited her, then passive resistance went out the window.

Sam washed his face and brushed his teeth, deciding to skip out on the shower. He’d need some time to himself later on, and that would be the best opportunity. It was approaching eight in the morning, and Ellie never slept past seven.

Sure enough, when Sam left the bathroom, Ellie was sitting up on the bed looking around. Sam was grateful she wasn’t crying, and he grabbed her up in another hug. Ellie held onto him tightly, so tight that Sam was shaking as much as she was.

“We’ll run. I’ll go with you. Just say the word.”

Surprisingly, Ellie didn’t respond right away. She loosened her grip on him and wiped her face. “No.”

“You sure?”

“We’ll never make it far enough.” Ellie said. “And when Daddy finds us, he’ll keep us apart for good. No, Sammy.”

“I won’t let this be forever.”

“I know.” Ellie said. “Where’s Daddy?”

“I don’t know. He never came back last night.”

Ellie sniffed. “Maybe he changed his mind.”

“Maybe.” Sam said, while thinking _fat chance_ at the same time. “Maybe.”

As if he’d heard them, it was at that moment that the door opened. John spotted them and immediately noticed the differences in their expressions. Ellie was sad, begging him again to reconsider. Sam was glaring at him, trying to wilt him out of existence.

“Did you pack yet?” John asked.

Ellie nodded and fought back the tears again. The hope that he’d changed his mind was gone. “Yes, sir.”

“Your bus leaves at four. You and Sam can spend the day together until we leave at two thirty.”

“Gee, you’re so thoughtful.” Sam said bitterly.

John tensed at the tone, and very nearly took away the day he’d been planning to let them have. Ellie extinguished the fuse of both her father and brother’s temper at the same time.

“Please don’t fight. Let’s just have today, okay?”

Six and a half hours passed all too quickly, and Ellie’s bus was called. She was trying, unsuccessfully, to keep an upbeat attitude. Dean was first to hug her.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Ellie said. “You didn’t have a choice.”

“We’ll be there. Okay? We’ll come see you soon.”

“I know. I gotta go. I love you, Dee.”

“I love you too, pipsqueak. Be good, okay?”

“Okay.” Ellie turned around to Sam. “Bye.”

“Bye.” Sam whispered. He wanted to say more, but was afraid he’d break out in tears if he did. “Call me tonight?”

“Yeah.”

They shared another hug, and the final boarding call for Ellie’s bus came over the intercom. John finally grabbed Ellie’s shoulder.

“Ellison, come on. Time to go.”

Ellie turned around and wrapped both arms around John’s waist. “Please don’t do this, Daddy. I’m sorry.”

“Get on your bus, Ellison. Don’t miss it.”

“Can you take me? Please? At least don’t make me sit on there all alone?”

“If I tell you again, you’re gonna have a hard time sitting on the bus. Go. Now.”

“Yes, sir. I love you.”   
  


“I love you too.” John said, though the words barely came out over the lump in his throat. “Go.”

Ellie picked up her bag, walked towards her bus, then turned around and waved one more time at her family. Sam smiled and waved at her, trying to set her at some sense of ease. Dean had an arm around Sam waving at her too.

The last thing Ellie saw before she walked onto her bus? John’s retreating back as he walked towards the Impala.

By the time the bus pulled away onto the road, John had successfully wiped his eyes and was waiting in the passenger seat for Sam and Dean. Dean had taken a seat on a bench right outside the station and was holding a now sobbing Sam. Five minutes later, after watching Dean tenderly attend to his brokenhearted little brother, the three of them were back on the road.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I know the plot hasn’t moved too much yet. I promise there is more plot coming. This chapter is Ellie’s angsty thoughts just before and after arriving at Bobby’s.**

There was one secret that Ellison Winchester carried around with her.

There were secrets that she shared with each member of her family. Dean knew that she was afraid of cats, and she loved him for not teasing her for it. He didn’t do it often anymore, but John would sometimes wake her up in the middle of the night when he returned from a hunt to share a candy bar with her. Some of her favorite memories were of sitting underneath John’s arm, smiling up at him with her face full of chocolate as he whispered _don’t tell your brothers._ She and Sammy shared countless secrets. Times that she’d taken the blame for something he did and he’d taken the blame for something she did. How she pretended to like John’s chili just so he’d cook for her, when in reality she hated it and it made her stomach hurt. How Sam sometimes faked being sick just to feel like someone cared about him.

But there was one secret that Ellie had kept even from Sam. If her father or Dean ever heard her say the way she felt, she was honestly afraid how the two of them would react. Even Sam was likely to hate her if she ever revealed this thought to him.

Ellie hated her mother.

She hadn’t always felt this way. She’d been five years old before she even realized that not having a mommy was different. All she’d known was her daddy and brother. But as she got older, Ellie started to notice that everything in their lives could be traced back to her mother’s absence. The lack of stability, the permanent anger and sadness in her father, the constant feeling that something bad was going to happen. All of that, in Ellie’s mind, traced back to her mother’s absence.

It made sense to her. As devoted as her father seemed to be to her mother, Ellie felt it made sense that he’d try to do things the way she would want them done. Which must mean that, if her mom were there, she’d be okay with John sending her away. Without that, Ellie rationalized, John never would have done it.

Maybe, Ellie thought, if she thought that to herself enough, she’d start to believe it.

The bus pulled into the station that Ellie had been to many times before, and Ellie spotted Bobby right away. She got off and grabbed her bag, slouching over to Bobby and giving him the customary hug around the waist.

“How you doing, kid?”

“’m okay.” Ellie said.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Ellie said, praying Bobby wouldn’t push. She was too tired to cry, but didn’t think it would take that much to push her into it. “I’m just hungry.”

“Well, I think we can fix that. Any preference?”

Desperately needing to make _someone_ happy, she went for what she knew would put a smile on Bobby’s face. “Can we stop at the store? I kinda want to cook tonight.”

Bobby grinned. Ellie’s cooking reminded him of his late wife’s. “You ain’t gotta ask me twice.”

“What do you want? Meatloaf?”

“How’d you know that was my favorite?”

Ellie felt a smile tugging at the corners of her face. It felt odd with all the turmoil of the last twenty-four hours, but in an odd way, nice. “Good guess.”

“Let’s go, kiddo.”

By seven that night, just as Bobby and Ellie were finishing dinner, Bobby noticed that Ellie was nodding off. She was closing her eyes, her head would drift down, then it would snap back up.

“Go on to bed.”   
  


“It’s only seven…”

“And you’re falling asleep like you been up all night.” Bobby said. “Go on to bed.”

“Okay. Good night, uncle Bobby.”

“Night, kiddo.”

As tired as she was, Ellie couldn’t wait any longer. “So what’s my punishment?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Daddy didn’t send me here to just have a good time.” Ellie said. “I figured he would’ve given you a list of stuff I had to do.”

Bobby sighed. “Come here, Butterfly.”

Ellie smiled at the now rare nickname for her that she only allowed Bobby to use. She walked over to where Bobby still sat and leaned against the table, waiting for whatever other hammer John had decided to drop. Bobby took her hand and squeezed it.

“I told your idjit Daddy that if he did this, you were mine.” Bobby said. “I decided what to do with you.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means that as long as you do your basic chores, like clean up after yourself, keep your bed made, and all that jazz, the only thing you need to worry about’s going to school.”

“I’m really not in more trouble?”

“Nope. What do you say?” Bobby asked.

“Thanks, uncle Bobby.” Ellie said.

“Something else on your mind?”

Ellie took a deep breath and said, “I’ve got something to show you. I’m gonna go take a shower and I’ll be right back.”

Ellie didn’t wait for Bobby to respond, just went upstairs to take her shower. In the twenty minutes she was gone, Bobby cleaned the table and washed the few dishes they’d used that night. He mentally cursed John Winchester the entire time. Bobby had gotten attached to the Winchester children. Attached enough that he’d seriously thought about taking them away from him from time to time. Ellie was heartbroken right now, and no matter what he did for Ellie, he couldn’t change that. She looked so out of place without Sam around that she just didn’t look real. Bobby knew that this arrangement wouldn’t last forever, but he decided to give John a month to come to his senses before doing anything drastic.

Ellie came back down and Bobby stood staring. When she’d stepped off the bus earlier and Bobby had noticed the blue hair, he’d held his tongue despite wanting to burst out laughing. Ellie was an emotional mess, and Bobby didn’t want to risk hurting her feelings. Especially without Sam there to act as a buffer. He’d simply not said anything at all about it, but now couldn’t resist.

The blue was gone. Her hair was completely back to normal.

“What the hell?”

Ellie, fearful of Bobby’s response, tucked her still damp hair behind her ear. “It wasn’t permanent. It came out with one shower.”

“Well if it wasn’t permanent, then why the hell didn’t you tell your Daddy that before he sent you here?”

Ellie squirmed on her feet and looked away. Suddenly the pieces clicked into place for Bobby.

“You wanted to see if he’d really do it, didn’t you?”

Ellie nodded. “I didn’t think he was serious.”

“Butterfly, your daddy don’t threaten. He promises.”

“I know. But when he spanked me after that talent show and he told me he’d send me away if I disobeyed him again, it just didn’t make sense. I thought he loved me no matter what I did. I just didn’t see how he could send me away from him and still love me. So I thought maybe, if I did something that wasn’t really dangerous that he didn’t want me to do, he’d see that he shouldn’t have said it…”

“Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Your reasoning’s a little twisted, but I think I got it. You were trying to test if he really loved you or not?” Bobby asked.

Ellie nodded.   
  


“And he failed your test?”

Ellie nodded again, and this time tears started to fall again. Bobby counted to five in his head before continuing. He usually did it when he was mad at Sam, Dean, or Ellie and had to discipline one or more of them, but this time he was trying to stop himself from going after John.

“Butterfly, listen to me. In your daddy’s own messed up, convoluted way, he loves you. He just don’t know the right way to show it. You want to know what he told me when he called and asked me if you could come here?”

“What?”

  
“That he thought you needed a long break from hunting, and that’s the real reason you were coming. That you deserved to be a little girl for a while, have fun and do things kids do.”   
  


Ellie was shocked at Bobby’s revelation. “What?”

“Yeah. He was trying to be nice to you.”

“But…why didn’t he just say that?” Ellie asked. “Why didn’t he tell me that instead of making me think it was for punishment?”

“Would you have willingly come without Sam if it wasn’t because of punishment?”

Ellie hung her head. “No.”   
  


“Just give it a week or two okay? Give your daddy a few days to realize what a stupid plan this is.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Ellie asked. “Uncle Bobby, I want my brothers back. I want Sammy.”   
  


“I know. Just give it a few days for me, okay? And you can call your brother. I told your Daddy you weren’t coming without a phone call to Sam a day.” Bobby promised. “Besides, if I didn’t do that, I have a feeling your brother would just hitchhike up here, wouldn’t he?”

Ellie laughed, the image of Sam walking down the road with his pack and his thumb sticking out making her laugh. “Yeah. Probably.”

“Hey. I know it don’t feel like it now, but it’ll work out in the end. Okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, uncle Bobby.” Ellie said.   
  


As she hugged Bobby again, she did start to feel a _little_ better. Just a little. Enough that she felt okay going on to bed. But she decided she needed some help.

“Uncle Bobby? Will you stay until I go to sleep, please?”

“You bet your butt I will.”

Ellie giggled, and thirty minutes later, she was sound asleep. In a display of affection that only the Winchester children ever got from the old, haggard hunter, Bobby stood above her bed, stroking her hair back as she slept.

“I got you, Butterfly. Sleep tight now. Uncle Bobby’s gon’ make this okay again.”


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So, this one’s a bit rough. John finally goes to see Ellie, thinking she’ll be happy, but she’s…less than thrilled.**

**My family dog died today guys. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers please. We’ve had that dog since the fifth grade, over twenty years. Needless to say, it’s rough in our house right now.**

John had always thought that Sam fighting him was hard.

Sam not fighting was ten times worse.

Ellie had been gone for a week. John watched all of Sam and Dean’s conversations with Ellie carefully. The only time Sam even remotely came alive was when Ellie was on the phone with him. The two of them talked, in detail, about whatever it was Ellie had been doing since she got to Bobby’s. The conversations with Dean were significantly less animated, but ended every time with a _love you, kiddo_ that made John’s heart twist in an ugly way from jealousy.

John had talked to Ellie twice that week, but it didn’t escape his attention that she didn’t _ask_ to talk to him like she did Dean. It also didn’t escape his attention that her longest answer to any question was _I understand, sir, have a good night._ Gone was any trace of the little girl who would talk to him to the point that John could put the phone down, get himself a drink, and come back to the phone to find that she was still talking.

His inner voice, the one he tried to squash most days, was working overtime lately. There were times that it sounded like Mary, but this week, surprisingly, her voice was silent. This one was all him. _What the hell are you doing?_ If all three kids knew how often the answer was _I don’t have a damn clue_ , any credibility that John might’ve ever had with them would be shot.

That pesky voice again. _Or it could make them trust you even more._

No, John decided. Ellie was having a blast at Bobby’s. _Or she’s miserable and she’s faking, just like someone else you know._ And John had a feeling that this time, any hurt feelings she had wouldn’t just be fixed with a candy bar and a hug.

Another week passed. Sam and Dean got up early in the morning, trained, went to school, came home and trained some more. John did whatever he could to get Sam talking. He’d offer to take him fishing, go to a movie, go to a museum, help him with his homework, take him to the park to kick a soccer ball around. John never offered to do these types of things with Sam, and John knew that Sam noticed. He hoped that Sam recognized that when he cooperated the way he’d been doing the last couple of weeks, there would more than enough opportunity for some of the fun things he wanted to do.

But Sam wasn’t taking the bait. He didn’t say it out loud, but made it clear what he was thinking. _Not without my sister._

Even Dean was more distant with him. That was the biggest adjustment of all. In the three weeks after sending Ellie away, John went on two minor, local hunts. He was gone in the space of one day each time. Dean didn’t beg to go with him, didn’t ask for details when John got back. He just asked John what it was he wanted done each time, did it, and went about his own business.

The Winchesters were at a standstill. He was too stubborn to admit he’d made a mistake and take it back, Sam and Dean were too hurt to do anything other than what he wanted them to do, and he had no clue how Ellie was truly doing since he hadn’t seen her yet.

The answer came a week or so later.

Caleb called. There was a hunt at a school near Bobby’s, and Caleb couldn’t take it. When he mentioned that Ellie would probably love that hunt, John made up his mind.

The school wasn’t a traditional one. It was a performing arts high school. The kids who went there were talented in the areas of art, music, or drama. It was perfect.

The hunt was a simple enough one. The school was having problems with doors opening and closing on their own, lights flickering, and classrooms that were twenty degrees colder than the rest of the building. Some faculty were also reporting seeing a student there, dressed in vintage clothing, that would stand at the end of the hallway staring straight ahead. When anyone approached, the student would vanish.

It was perfect, John decided. He could pick up Ellie, let her infiltrate the school, and maybe the two of them could get back on track. 

Maybe.

“Sam, Dean, pack up. We’re leaving.”

Some part of him, one that John hated to admit was there, hoped that Sam would fight. Tell John he wasn’t going, that he was staying, start screaming about how John never gave them a choice in anything. But Ellie’s departure seemed to have taken the very breath out of Sam. John suddenly got an idea.

“Sam, wait a second. Come here.” At the last moment, attempting to sound friendlier than normal, he added, “Please.”

It was the please that did it. Sam and Dean shared a look and one of the silent mini-conversations they sometimes had that drove their father crazy. Dean nodded and Sam headed over to John. He didn’t scowl, he didn’t even frown, he just stood there passively waiting for instruction. _Come on, Sam. Look alive. Just a little. Please?_

“Sam, I just wanted to say I really appreciate you being so cooperative lately. I know you’re upset about Ellie. I get that. I haven’t forgotten about her. We _are_ going to see her soon, okay. I promise.”

Sam simply nodded, and John excused him to go pack up.

“I want to be gone in ten minutes.”

Ten minutes later and they were gone. John almost told them both the truth several times over the course of the journey, but he stayed silent. Dean sat at his usual spot, staring out the window thinking whatever it was he was thinking lately. Sam figured out the truth just over five miles out of town. John saw out of the corner of his eye Sam perk up and look around.

“Dad?”

“Yeah, Sam?” John asked, barely suppressing a grin.

“Are we…going to Bobby’s?”

“I don’t know.” John answered, just as they drove under the Singer Salvage Yard sign. “Is there somewhere else you were thinking…?”

“No way.” Sam said, and John saw the first smile he’d seen from any of his kids in weeks. “No way. Thanks, Dad.”   
  


John stopped the car, finally feeling somewhat victorious. He thought about having the conversation with Sam then and there that they weren’t just there to see Ellie, they were there for a hunt, but Sam jumped out of the car and ran inside before John had even turned the car completely off.

_Guess the conversation can happen later._

Dean grabbed the bags with John, but he was just as excited as Sam. When they walked inside, Sam was standing in the living room looking around. Bobby came in from the kitchen.

“What the hell are you three doing here?”

“Bobby, where El?” Sam asked.

“It’s two thirty, Sam. She’s in school.” Bobby said.

For one split second, he locked eyes with John and offered him a glare so fierce that it seemed to wither John’s very soul. John tried his best to ignore it, but even when he turned his back, he could feel it.

“Sam, take your things upstairs. I’m sure your sister will be back soon.”

“Yeah, Sam. She’s due back in less than an hour.” Bobby said. “Go on and take your stuff up. She’ll be back soon.”

“Yes, sir.”

Before Sam headed upstairs, he did something John found truly amazing. He turned and gave his father a hug, the first that John remembered in over a year.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome, bud. Go on upstairs.”

Once Sam was out of earshot, Bobby let what he had been holding back fall out. “So what are you doing here? You must want something.”

John sighed. “I came to see Ellie.”

“Yeah right. And what was stopping you from doing that three weeks ago?”

“Bobby, please. Just let me enjoy my time with my daughter.” John asked.

“If I thought for a minute that you had changed and were just here to get her, I’d pack her bags myself.” Bobby said. “But I recognize that look. You’re here for a hunt.”

John frowned. He couldn’t deny it.

“Damn it.”

“Is she okay?” John asked, attempting to steer the conversation away from the lecture he felt was coming.

“What the hell do you think?” Bobby asked.

John sighed again. _Guess avoiding that lecture’s out of the question._ “Bobby…”

“No. You’re gonna listen this time. That kid cried for the first week she was here. What the hell were you thinkin’?”

“I wasn’t. I wasn’t, okay?” John exclaimed, then looked up the stairs to see if Sam or Dean or perhaps both had heard. “I wasn’t thinking. I screwed up big time. You happy?”

“Well damn if hell didn’t freeze over.” Bobby answered with a smirk.

“That’s not helping.”

“It ain’t supposed to.” Bobby replied. “So what are you here for?”

“A hunt Caleb was supposed to do on the other side of town. He said he couldn’t make it.”

“Riverside school?”

“How’d you know?” John asked.

“’Cause he called me to. You thinking about sending Ellie?”

“Yeah.” When Bobby shook his head, John asked, “What? You think it’s a bad idea?”

“I think that school’s got a basic, run of the mill ghost. It hasn’t hurt or killed anybody yet. It can wait. You need to focus on your kid first.”

“This is perfect. It’ll get us back together.”

“You shouldn’t have been apart in the first place, you jacka…”

“OW!”

A sudden crashing sound from the hallway, the sound of the door slamming, and Sam’s shout of pain and surprise brought Bobby and John running. John nearly pulled his gun. Sam was on the floor with something on top of him. It took nearly a full second (much too slow, John was well aware of) for John to register that Sam wasn’t actually in trouble. Dean was laughing heartily at the bottom of the stairs, and Sam had recovered from his shock and had a tight hold on his “attacker”.

His…blonde…attacker?

John finally got the full picture. Ellie had come home and spotted her brother, then ran to him so hard she knocked him down. It wasn’t the first time it had happened. Anytime the two were separated longer than a few minutes, they were a force to separate again. The first time Ellie had knocked her brother to the floor from her excitement, they’d been two years old.

_“Bubber!”_

_John was going crazy. He was convinced of it. He’d faced ghosts that scared him less than his screaming, unhappy two-year-old daughter. Ellie wasn’t throwing a tantrum, because John knew how to deal with that. A quick swat to the leg, a firm reminder that screaming did nothing to get her what she wanted, and Ellie would usually calm right down. If she didn’t, John would set her in the playpen/crib that she shared with Sam and she’d fall right to sleep._

_No, right now she was grieving. She didn’t understand why Sammy was in bed and she had to stay with her mean, unreasonable Daddy. Sammy was sick. He needed her, and not letting her help him was the cruelest thing John could do. Since she was nowhere near as strong or fast as her father, she’d settle for sitting in the floor and screaming and crying with all her might._

_“Bubber!”_

_“Ellison! That’s enough!”_

_At her father’s outburst, Ellie, who had been standing in order to project her voice, fell flat onto her butt and stuck her trembling lip out. Her screaming stopped, but that damn look on her face stayed. The one that told her father that he was being cruel._

_Was he?_

_John shook his head. It wasn’t unreasonable. Sam had the flu. His fever was 102 and not going down. It was hard enough having one two-year-old sick enough that they’d had to go to the hospital. It wasn’t unreasonable to want to keep Ellie separate from Sam so she didn’t get sick too._

_Right?_

_“Daddy.”_   
  


_John turned back to Ellie, who was still crying, but it was no longer an angry, you’re mean and I don’t like you anymore type of cry. It was a my heart’s breaking and I need you cry, the type that broke through John’s armor and caused him to pick her up._

_“Bubber. Peas?”_

_“Oh, Elle Belle. I know you miss him. But he’s really sick and he needs to rest.”_

_“Not wake. I west too.”_

_John smiled. “If you rest with him, you’ll get sick too.”_

_“Bubber west wif Ewwie if Ewwie sick.”_

_Well, that settled it in Ellie’s mind, John knew. If she got sick, Sam would rest with her. A cough and a familiar cracking voice from the doorway made Ellie squirm so much that John nearly dropped her._

_“Sissy.”_

_“Bubber!” Ellie detached herself from her father and ran to Sam, promptly knocking her temporarily weaker twin down onto the floor in her elation that he was back._

_“Ellison…”_

_“Bubber, we go seep.” Ellie said determinedly._

_She helped her brother up, walked with him to the living room, and helped him onto the couch, where the two of them were asleep together in just under thirty seconds. John shook his head. He’d never get the two of them apart, and at moments like this was certain that he’d never want to. An apologetic six-year-old Dean walked into the kitchen. He had been told by his father to call immediately if Sam got out of bed._

_“Sorry, Daddy. He got away from me.”_

_“It’s alright, Deano.” John said. “How about you and me watch a movie while those two get some rest?”_

_As John had predicted, two days later Ellie was sick with the flu, and as Ellie predicted, Bubber rested wif her too._

Lost in his thoughts, John had missed Ellie moving to Dean, who held Ellie so tightly that she was telling him to let her go, that she couldn’t breathe. John cleared his throat and that brought an immediate silence to all the festivities.

“Hi, sweetie.”

Ellie swallowed. “Hi, Daddy.”

“It’s good to see you.”

John could almost see Ellie bite her tongue. “Thank you.”

That might as well have been a _screw you_ , John thought, but decided he’d take it. “How are you?”

“Fine. You?”

“Good. I need your help with something, we’ll discuss it after dinner.”

Ellie’s face fell, Dean’s tightened in anticipation of the coming fight, and Sam and Bobby didn’t even bother to hide their outrage. Ellie held her hand up to quell the coming onslaught and asked, in an eerily calm way, “So you came because you needed my help? Not because you wanted to see me?”

“Well, yes...”

“No.”

John was so shocked at Ellie’s flat no that he couldn’t be angry. At least for a split second. “Ellie…”

“I said no. You don’t get to dump me off because you don’t like a choice I made then come back and expect everything to be okay. No.”

“Little girl…” Now John’s anger was flaring its ugly head.

“I’m not your little girl anymore. You gave that up when you put me on that bus. You’ve left me over and over and over to save strangers without any kind of a thought about what it did to me. I’ve forgiven you for that every single time. But as much as you leaving all the time hurt me, I would _never_ do it to you. Never. You were my hero. But now, if it weren’t for Sammy and Dean, I wish I’d never have to see you again.”

The sting from the gunshot wound to his shoulder John had suffered a few months earlier was nothing compared to the sting John felt coming from Ellie’s words. Ellie was back at the front door, Sam trailing right behind her.

“Uncle Bobby, I’m going for a walk.”

“Be back for dinner.” Bobby said.

“Yes, sir. Sam, Dean, you coming?”

“Ellison…”

Ellie turned her fierce eyes, those eyes that so much reminded John of her mother, back onto her father. “I hate you. Go away and leave me alone.”


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. It’s been a rough week around here. Anyway, Ellie ends up getting set to take her first hunt in this chapter. She comes up with her own alias, and does it the same way Dean does it. Bonus cool points to anyone who can figure out where I got Ellie’s alias :).**

John was stunned.

Ellie had never stood up to him before. She would beg him for things, try and convince him of her arguments, but out and out displays of anger like the one she’d just shown him were unheard of from Ellie. Sam? Not so much. Sam was more than willing to make his feelings known, no matter what happened as a result.

But Ellie was different. Her empathy knew no bounds. She took Dean’s message that _Daddy does the best he can_ to heart, and very rarely argued against him. Her number one concern was letting John know that she thought he was a good Daddy, and that while she might hate aspects of their life, she would do _her_ best to make it easier for him.

“You gonna stand there looking stupid all night?”

“Why didn’t you warn me she was that mad?”

Bobby shook his head. “She ain’t, you idjit.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Didn’t you just see…?”

“She’s hurt, you danged idjit. She worships the ground you walk on.”

“I know she did…”

“I said, and I mean, _does._ ” Bobby said, exasperated. “Get your ass in the kitchen and help me with dinner. If I’m gonna explain your daughter to you, you might as well be useful.”

Ellie was conflicted.

A part of her was glad she’d finally stood up to her father. She knew that he didn’t mean to be harsh. She knew it was just part of the way that he was, which made it easier for her to forgive him. It had become a pattern over the course of the last few years. John would be too harsh with Ellie over something minor, or maybe even not so minor, a little time would pass, and John would do something to make it up to her. Of course, he wouldn’t tell her that’s what he was doing, but Ellie saw it for what it was.

_Ellie had been six for a whole week._

_Dean had thrown her and Sam a party the morning of their birthdays. Ellie was smart. She knew that, for the first five years of her life, if John wasn’t home on their actual birthdays, Dean would just hold their birthday parties on a different day. They’d been too little to know the difference back then._

_But this year, Ellie knew. Her and Sammy’s birthday was on a Wednesday. She wanted to celebrate on Wednesday. After all, that was the day that she was six years old. On Thursday, she would already be six, so Ellie didn’t want to celebrate then. Dean had told her, over and over, not to count on Daddy being home on her birthday. But Ellie was certain he would be._

_When Daddy didn’t come home, Ellie was brave. She didn’t cry, she didn’t throw a fit, she didn’t even say how mad it made her feel inside. She smiled when Dean gave her and Sam each a Little Debbie cupcake with a candle in the middle, thanked him when he told her Happy Birthday, and hugged him and thanked him again when she went to bed that night._

_The trouble came five days later, when John got home. Ellie greeted him like normal, giving him a hug and telling him she was glad he was back. That was true, but Ellie was searching for something. Something very specific. When dinner was over and John didn’t give it to her, Ellie finally broke down. She didn’t think she was yelling, just raising her voice a bit to make her point, but it was enough that Daddy had spanked her and sent her_

_“You missed our birthday, Daddy.”_

_She expected an ‘I’m sorry’, or a hug at the very least, but Daddy had gotten mad. He’d spanked her and sent her to bed early. Ellie did go to bed, but she didn’t go to sleep. She didn’t understand. Ellie always did something for Daddy’s birthday. She’d make him a card or a small present, and give him a hug and tell her she loved him. Why was it so wrong for her to expect the same from him? Sammy tried to make her feel better. He gave her a hug and told her that he was sorry she was sad, and even went to bed early too so she wouldn’t be by herself. When Ellie finally fell asleep, she’d resigned herself to the fact that Daddy just didn’t care about her as much as she did about him._

_“Wake up, baby girl.”_

_Ellie sat straight up in the bed, her head still heavy with sleep. “Daddy?”_

_“Shh. Come with me. I got something for you.”_

_Intrigued, Ellie climbed out of bed and followed John to the living room. John took a seat on the couch and beckoned Ellie to join him. Ellie, still hurt and scared after the spanking she’d gotten earlier, hesitated. She squeezed Elsie, her stuffed bunny that Ellie dragged with her as often as she could, hard against her chest. When Ellie took a step back, she saw something that surprised her._

_Daddy wasn’t angry anymore. He was sad._

_“Please come sit with me, baby girl.”_

_Ellie walked up slowly, placing Elsie on the couch and lifting her arms up to John. John picked her up and placed her next to him. He put one arm around her and used one arm to dig something out of his pocket. It was a candy bar.  
  
_

_“I thought we could share this. What do you think?”_

_Ellie smiled. “Okay.”_

_“But you can’t tell your brothers. This is just for you and me. Okay?”_

_“Okay, Daddy.”_

_John opened it and handed Ellie the first piece. “Here.”_

_Ellie took a bit and her smile grew even wider. “Thank you, Daddy.”_

_“You’re welcome, baby girl.” An awkward silence of a few seconds stretched between them, and John cautiously broke it. “So how was your birthday?”_

_“Good.”_

_“Yeah? What’d you do?”_

_“Deanie made me and Sammy a cupcake each. He put a candle in it and we blew it out.” Ellie said. She wanted to say that she’d missed her daddy too, but trying to make him feel bad earlier had only resulted in her going to bed with a sore bottom._

_“Did you miss me?”_

_Ellie looked up, tears that had nothing to do with the earlier spanking dotting her eyes. “I did, Daddy.”_

_“Baby girl, I’m sorry I didn’t do anything for your birthday…”_

_“Daddy, can I say somefin?” Ellie said. “You promise you won’t get mad?”_

_“I promise.”_

_“I don’t want nuffin for my birfday. I just wanted my Daddy too. I don’t need a present or nuffin, I swear. I just wanted you to say something.”_

_Ellie, who’d looked down to say what she had to say, looked up and saw something else she didn’t think she’d ever see._

_“I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”_

_“Listen to me.” John said, wiping away the single tear that was falling. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I’m sorry I can’t be here like you need me to be. I’m sorry that I missed your birthday, and that I spanked you instead of trying to talk to you about it. It’s still not okay for you to yell at me, but I did deserve it. But you want to know something?”_

_“What?”_

_“I was thinking about you and your brother all day.”_

_Ellie smiled again. “Really? You missed us?”_

_“I miss you whenever I’m away from you. Don’t ever doubt that, okay?”_

_“Okay, Daddy. I miss you too.”_

_“Hey, I got something else to tell you.”_

_“What?”_

_John leaned in closer and whispered dramatically. “You’re my favorite baby girl.”_

_Ellie giggled. “Daddy, I’m your only baby girl.”_

_“Well, all the more reason for you to be my favorite, huh?”_

“That. Was. AMAZING!” Sam said for the fourth time since they’d left the house.

Despite his earlier appreciation to his father for bringing him to see Ellie, Sam was still angry. Leaving Ellie behind, no matter the rationalization for it, seemed wrong on so many different levels. Now that the two of them were back together, Sam felt better. He felt complete. Ellie standing up to his father a few minutes earlier had taken Sam to a level of happiness he didn’t know was possible.

“Sam.” Dean said, the warning clear in his tone.

“Come on, Dean. Dad’s not here for you to stick up for him.”

“Both of you please just shut up!” Ellie said impatiently. She stopped walking and took a seat on a large tree stump at the edge of the auto yard.

Sam rolled his eyes and threw up his hands. “Great. Now this is gonna be ruined because you feel bad. Don’t, El. You did a good thing here.”

“I told Daddy I hated him.”

“You _should!_ ” Sam said, exasperated. “Come on, El. Dad never should’ve done this and you know it.”

“Sam…” Dean warned.

“And if you stand up to him, too, there’s no way he leaves El here again. Come on, Dean. Just this once. Tell Dad he’s being a jerk. Please.”

“Don’t do anything, Dean. And Sam, don’t fight with him. Dean or dad. I mean it.”

“You’re both insane.” Sam said. “Nothing will change if we don’t do something now.”

“Sammy, enough. Just let it rest for now, okay?” Ellie said. “Please? Please just sit with me and talk to me. I’ve missed you.”

No matter how he was feeling at the moment, Sam did have one thing in common with both his dad and older brother. It didn’t take much pleading for Ellie to soften him up. Sam smiled and took his seat next to Ellie.

“I missed you too, Sissy.”

Ellie grinned. “Missed you more, Bubber.”

“Oh, brother.” Dean rolled his eyes and forced down a laugh. “You two are so corny sometimes.”

“You know you missed me too, Dee.”

Dean smiled. “You know I did, kiddo.”

Ellie took a breath as her mind continued to turn. “I think I want to take that hunt.”

“What?”

“I want to take that hunt.” Ellie said. “I know which one Daddy’s talking about. Caleb called and asked Bobby about it. Bobby asked me if I wanted to do it, but I said no.”

“So don’t.” Sam said. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do something different than hunting…”

“Sammy. I’m thirteen. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. But I could be good at this…”

“Great.” Sam said. “Great. Now you’re sucked in too.”

“Sam…”

“Dee?” Ellie asked. “Can you give us a minute, please?”

Dean, who’d been prepared to lecture Sam for what felt like the thousandth time to everyone in the family, nodded and walked about halfway back to Bobby’s house. When he was out of earshot, Ellie grabbed Sam’s hand.

“Sammy, listen to me. Please? I get it. I know you don’t want to hunt. That’s okay. I think that’s great, actually. Whatever happens, I’m there for you. You know that, right?”

“I know.”

“I just want you to do the same for me. I’m still figuring out what I want to do. Sure it’s not my favorite, but I could be good at hunting. This could get my feet wet in it.”

Sam nodded. “I know.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…wish Dad and Dean were as cool with me not wanting to hunt as you are.”

“I know. I wish that too. But just…be there for me here, please? I’m gonna mess up and I need you there when I do.”

Sam turned and stared at Ellie, mouth opened in shock. “What? What do you mean you’re gonna mess up? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!”

“You really think I can do it?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then help me. Just…don’t fight with Daddy over this. Okay? Please? Do it for me?”

Sam scowled. “Why do I feel like I just got manipulated?”

Ellie bit her cheek as she answered to hide her smile. “I have no idea.”

“Yeah, right.” Sam rolled his eyes one more time for good measure. “You want to go and tell Dad right now, don’t you?” Ellie nodded. “Okay. Come on.”

Ellie’s resolve was building slowly as she walked up the steps back towards the house. She was excited, not only because she would get a chance to show off her hunting ability for her father, but her father would now see what else she was good at. Her talent show from the year before was running through her mind. The butterflies in her stomach as she walked up the stage and took the microphone. The powerful feeling as the music began and her normally shy, timid voice was replaced with a powerful one that put a smile on the faces out in the audience. The cheering as the song came to an end.

The embarrassment and abject terror when her father found her and dragged her off the stage, suppressing what Ellie felt was a vital part of her for another year.

Now, it was her turn. Her turn to shine, and her father could do nothing about it.   
  


When they returned to the house, Ellie strode with purpose towards the kitchen. She picked up Bobby’s house phone, pressed the speaker button, and dialed Caleb’s number. Caleb answered easily enough, and was thrilled when Ellie said she would take the hunt. John and Bobby stood by the stove, both looking surprised. Dean was grinning. He had no doubt Ellie could handle this. Sam still seemed unsure, but offered his sister a small smile that she could decipher the meaning of right away.

_I don’t like it, but I’m here for you._

It was good enough for Ellie.

Caleb was just about done giving Ellie the basics of the hunt. He would set up her transcripts for the school and overnight them, so she’d be able to start on Monday. Ellie thanked Caleb, then added her own conditions.

“Caleb, wait. Can I pick the name you put on the paperwork?”

“Um, sure. Is there a reason?”

“It’s my cover. Won’t it be easier to remember if I come up with it?”

“Makes sense to me. What name do you want, kiddo?”

“Josephine. Josephine McCoy.” Ellie answered.

“Ooookay.”

“I have my reason, Caleb. Just trust me.” Ellie also made her mind up on something else. “Can you come up with some kind of cover for Daddy too?”

John’s eyebrows rose in surprise and he mouthed _No!_

Ellie could almost hear Caleb grinning. “I sure can. The school’s looking to start a PE program.”

“Perfect.” Ellie said with her own smile. “Thanks, Caleb.”

“Thank _you_ , kiddo. There’s just not anyone else able to take this. You know you’re gonna have to audition there on Monday, right?”

“I kinda figured. I’ll work on a song this weekend.”

“I wish I could hear it, Buggy.” Caleb said sincerely. Ellie smiled; the men in her life each had a nickname that they were only allowed to call her. “You’ve got a voice like an angel.”

Ellie took note of her father’s surprise as her brothers and Bobby all nodded their heads in agreement. “Thanks, Caleb. Come back to Bobby’s when you’re done and maybe I’ll sing you a little something. Right now’s not a good time.”

“You got a deal. I’ll get this to Bobby’s tomorrow. You rest up this weekend. You got a big day on Monday.”

“Thanks again, Caleb. Stay safe.”

Ellie hung up the phone, her stomach beginning to flutter. She placed a hand there to quell the nausea and took a breath. _You can do this._

“Josephine McCoy?” Sam asked.

Ellie turned around and smiled. “You got all weekend to figure it out.”

“Elle Belle, we need to talk….” John said.   
  


“No. Bobby will go over with me whatever I need for the hunt. I still don’t trust you, but you’re the one I want inside the school with me. Sam, come on. Help me pick a song.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: As stated before, the characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. The lyrics to the song Ellie sings in this chapter do not belong to me either.**

**The song is Josie and the Pussycats “You Don’t See Me”, from the soundtrack to the 2001 movie _Josie and the Pussycats_. More information in the A/N below.**

**A/N: I can’t believe I actually found a way to do this. Wow.**

**So, I’ve always wanted to find a way to incorporate one of my favorite movies, _Josie and the Pussycats_ , into a Supernatural story. I did this here, and it actually works. Wow. **

The butterflies had never started this early before.

It was Monday morning, five minutes before Ellie was supposed to be up, and she was studying. Again. The quickest way to get rid of a ghost. What ghosts were. Why they were there. All the things she already knew from studying them a thousand times before. All of it seemed to be jumbled in her head at the moment.

She’d spent the weekend making her family think she was confident in what she was doing. She ran through songs with Sam and ended up vetoing every single one of them. The truth, that she’d never admit to Sam, was that she’d known from the start which song she would pick and she’d only allowed him to ‘help’ in order to make him feel better. Ellie was a wreck. The questions running through her brain made her want to throw up. What if she messed the song up and didn’t get into the school? What if she messed the hunt up and John had to rescue her somehow? A knock at her door jarred her out of her thoughts.

“Hey. You ready to go?”

Ellie smiled at Dean. “Yeah.”

“You nervous?”

Ellie shrugged. “I guess. A little.”

“Hey. You’re gonna knock ‘em dead. Okay?”

“You really think so?” Ellie asked.

“I know so. You’ll be fine.”

“Is Daddy still mad I volunteered him?”

Dean grinned and turned away.

“What? What are you laughing at?” Ellie asked.

“Kiddo, Dad isn’t mad you volunteered him.” Dean said. “He’s impressed.”

“No, he’s not.”

“I swear to you, he is. But if you tell him I said that…”

“You’ll deny it. I know, I know.” Ellie said. “I should get going. Daddy’s waiting for me.”

“Alright. Good luck.”

“What are you talking about? I don’t need luck.” Ellie said, and with a final hug from Dean, the knot in her stomach finally untied itself.

The ride to the school was a long one, and neither Ellie or Sam had anything to say. Ellie was a little hurt that Sam hadn’t said anything to her that morning, choosing instead to leave the house early. Just as she and John pulled into the school parking lot, John surprised her with a note.   
  
“Sam asked me to give this to you.”

“Why didn’t he give it to me himself?”

“Just read it and find out.” John answered.

Ellie frowned. John was still in a bad mood. She opened the note and suddenly forgot about all her nervousness. As only her brother could do, three little words made her burst out laughing. The note simply read _fix an arm._

“Fix an arm?” John asked.

Ellie nodded, folded up the note, and explained, “Opposite of break a leg.”

As the two of them headed inside, John wondered how many other things Sam and Ellie held special between them that he had no idea about. He wondered how many times the two of them had been forced to comfort each other because he had fallen down on the job as their father. He didn’t have much time to worry about it. The school secretary was a nice enough older woman who led John and Ellie back towards the principal’s office.

“Mr. McCoy?” The principal asked, standing up to shake John’s hand.

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, hi there. I’m principal Adams, and this young lady here must be Josephine.”

“Hi.” Ellie said.

“You two have a seat right there. Josephine, you can just move those papers onto my desk, sweetheart. Do you have a nickname you prefer?” Principal Adams asked as he shut the door behind them.

“Josie.” Ellie said.

“Okay, Josie. It’s nice to meet you. Let’s get down to business.” The second the door was shut, Principal Adams’ entire demeanor changed. “Okay. Here’s the deal. I know you two are John and Ellie Winchester.”

“W…What…” Ellie started to stutter.

“Relax. Caleb’s a friend of mine.” Principal Adams said. “I’m the one that asked him to come.”

“Oh.” Ellie looked at her father, who seemed just as surprised as she was. “Why didn’t he tell us that?”

“I asked him not to.”

“Well, now that we can talk a little more clearly,” John asked, “what can you tell us about this ghost?”

“Not much.” Principal Adams answered. “All I know is that she appears in the hallway, and when a student tries to approach her, she disappears.”

“Has she hurt anyone?” Ellie asked.

“No. So far she’s just spooked them.”

“Alright. We’ll get to work right away.” John assured him.

“Not so fast. I was able to get Ellie a spot here, but she still needs to audition to secure it.”

“When is that?”

“Right now if you’re ready. You just need to follow me to the auditorium. John, you can head to the gym if you want. You won’t actually have any classes while you’re here. I’ll just tell everyone your class doesn’t start until next term. That should give you plenty of time to look around.”

“Um, Principal Adams, is it okay if my dad comes and watches my audition?” Ellie asked.

John started to object, saying that they needed to get to work right away, but Ellie wasn’t even looking at him. It was only then that he realized he’d never heard her sing before. Of course, he’d heard little things-Ellie singing in the shower, humming to herself, even singing to her brothers when they were sick or injured to make them feel better. John’s conscience, that niggling little voice in his head, got the best of him again.

_Don’t pass this up._

Principal Adams simply shrugged. “It’s okay with me. If your dad wants to go, he certainly can.”

“Um, sure. Yeah. I’ll go.”

John took note of how Ellie’s face lit up when he promised to be there. For a moment, she forgot about the fact that they were on a hunt. Or maybe she didn’t. But for the first time in what felt to John like a long time, Ellie wrapped him a tight hug.

“You guys can follow me.”

Ten minutes later, Ellie was situated in a large auditorium. The butterflies were back full force. Principal Adams was talking to a table of three people, seated a few feet away, and John was seated at the end of the first row. Ellie took a breath and let it out slowly, took a breath and let it out slowly, took a third breath and let it slowly. Her heart finally stopped pounding, and Ellie was able to focus. Just enough to make it through, at least. Principal Adams began making his introductions.

“Okay, Josie. This here on my right is Miss Jacobs. She’s our music director. Next to her is Mr. Peters, our admissions director, and next to him is Mr. Yellin, our drama department director.”

“Hi.” Ellie waved from the stage.

All three nodded from the table, and Principal Adams took his seat.

“After your audition, we’re going to discuss this. You need a yes vote from three of us to make it. If there’s a tie, we’ll give you a second chance tomorrow. Any questions?”

“No sir. I understand.”

“All right. Whenever you’re ready.” Principal Adams said. “Do you play any instruments or have any music with you?”

“I, um, was planning to sing a capella. Is that okay?”

“That’s a brave choice, dear.” Miss Jacobs said. “One I applaud you for. No matter how this turns out.”

“I agree.” Mr. Peters said, while Mr. Yellin nodded in agreement.

Ellie nodded. “Okay. I’m just gonna take a second.”

“Take your time.” Principal Adams encouraged.

One more deep breath in, letting in out slowly…and Ellie closed her eyes. She couldn’t look towards John, or she was afraid she’d chicken out. She’d picked this song especially for him, in the hopes that he’d realize she was singing it _to_ him when the time came. Ellie pictured the music in her head and started.

“This is the place where I sit.  
This is the part where I love you too much.  
Is this as hard as it gets?  
'Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough.  
I'm here if you want me.  
I'm yours, you can hold me.  
I'm empty and achin'.  
I’m tumblin', I’m breakin'.

'Cause you don't see me.  
And you don't need me.  
And you don't love me  
The way I wish you would.  
The way I know you could.”

Had Ellie’s eyes been opened, she would have seen the mouths of every adult in the room wide open. Everyone that sat at the table for her audition had been a part of the faculty since the school opened. Ellie’s voice was beautiful, there was no doubt about that. But they had all heard beautiful voices before. Ellie’s was special. The emotion behind it was powerful. She was singing from the heart. She wasn’t just singing a song to impress them, she was speaking to someone. Trying to get them to understand that she felt lonely, unloved, and scared.

John knew exactly who Ellie was talking to. And Ellie wasn’t the only one. It had been a long time since John could truly feel Mary’s presence with him, but now he felt it with the force of a nuke. John was afraid to look anywhere but down, for fear that he’d see Mary scowling at him in anger. Or worse, he’d see her crying in sadness. _You hurt my baby, John. You hurt her._ John took the same deep breath that Ellie had so he could continue listening to her.

He just hoped that the pounding in his heart wouldn’t suffocate him in the process.

“I wish I was lonely,  
Instead of just only crystal and see-through and not enough to you.

‘Cause you don't see me.  
And you don't need me.  
And you don't love me  
The way I wish you would.

Cause you don't see me.  
And you don't need me.  
And you don't love me  
The way I wish you would.  
The way I know you could.”

Ellie opened her eyes and felt the familiar rush of relief that followed every time she performed for other people. It hadn’t happened often, but it had a few times. She’d sung at two talent shows, one that her father knew about and one that he didn’t. She’d sung for Bobby many times when he was trying to keep her entertained. Her voice always seemed to make Sam feel better when he’d fought with John, and Dean usually requested her voice when she was sick.

Ellie snuck a look at her father. As was usual, he seemed to be angry. He wouldn’t look at her, and he kept his eyes cast downwards. Ellie tried not to weep. She’d put her heart and soul into her performance. She didn’t want to make John feel bad, she just wanted to get through to him. With much more effort than she thought she’d be able to muster, Ellie looked towards her judges. None of them had spoken yet.

Had she truly done that badly?

“Young lady,” Mr. Yellin began, after almost ten seconds of nerve-wracking silence, “this school has been here for nearly twenty-five years. The rest of the table can correct me if I’m wrong here, but I think I can safely say that this is the easiest admissions decision we’ve ever made.”

“I certainly agree with that.” Miss Jacobs said.

“Here, here.” Mr. Peters agreed.

“Well, that settles that.” Principal Adams agreed. “Welcome to Ritzell Academy, Miss McCoy.”

Ellie laughed in relief. “Thanks.”

“Go back to the office and the secretary will get you settled in classes, okay?”   
  


“Yes, sir.” Ellie said. She finally looked back to John, who seemed to be fuming. “Could I have a minute with my father first?”

“Sure. Mr. McCoy, how about you meet me back in my office in say, five minutes? I’ve got some final paperwork for you to sign.”

“I’ll be there.” John promised.

After introducing himself formally to the other three judges, and everyone had left, John and Ellie were alone for the first time in weeks. Ellie took ten cautious steps towards John, prepared for him to deliver an order. _Go to the office. Get to work. We don’t have time for this._ Instead, what he had to say astounded Ellie.

“That was beautiful, Elle Belle.”

“Really?” Ellie asked.

“Really.” John said. He shifted in his seat awkwardly, then stood up and ran a hand through his hair. “I know we need to talk….”

“Not now. After the job’s over.” Ellie said. “I asked Caleb to find a place for you here because I want us to work together. I thought that, maybe, you’d want the same thing. Was I wrong?”

“No. No, you’re not wrong.” John assured her. He wanted to apologize, but it wasn’t the time. “Come on. Go on to the office. Let’s get this ghost back where it goes, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

As Ellie walked away, John couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, Mary was there with them. _Give us a hand here, baby._


	9. Chapter 9

It had only been a day, but Ellie was having the most fun she’d ever had in her life.

Her academic classes were all covered by one teacher for three hours every day, from eight to eleven. On Mondays and Wednesdays, for ninety minutes each, math and science were done, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays came English and social studies. Fridays were reserved for any academic work that hadn’t been done during the week. From eleven to twelve was lunch and free time, and from twelve to three, each student was sent to their various other classes.

Ellie wasn’t worried about the academic part of her new school. She, like her brother and best friend Sam, was a straight A student. She _was_ worried about her creative classes, which came after lunch. She had been placed in a music class, where she was expected to learn how to read music and possibly compose her own, and in a drama class. If she wasn’t so worried about finding out what was going on with this ghost, Ellie believed that she might eventually thrive here.

But, as she’d long ago come to learn, Winchesters weren’t allowed to thrive at anything other than hunting.

So Ellie put her brain to work, trying to come up with who, or maybe what, the ghost could possibly be. She’d asked her classmates what they thought, and got no shortage of answers. Her name, according to one source, was Lily Crabtree, and she’d died after being hit by a car when the school first opened. According to someone else, her name was Jenna Fisher, and she’d been killed during the construction of the school. Ellie heard five more stories just like those in the space of her first two days.

Sam, Dean, Bobby, and John were all searching for the prior history of the campus. Before the current school had been built there, a boarding school for girls had been on the property for nearly a century. Much to everyone’s frustration, there was no record of any unusual or suspicious deaths the entire time the campus had been open. Ellie and John’s thoughts were apparently running along the same track.

“No place is that clean.” They both said at exactly the same time.

So Ellie went in for her second day. Bobby had given her the advice to just focus on school and clear her mind, and then maybe another idea would come to her. Just as the bell rang, something caught Ellie’s eye. 

A girl. She looked to be about twelve, standing at the end of the hall, staring at Ellie. She was wearing what looked to be a school uniform-a white dress shirt, blue sweater, blue and white checkered skirt, white socks, and black shoes. Ellie had pictured the girl in her head as lost, but she didn’t look lost. She looked like she knew exactly where she was going.

“McCoy! Get to class!”

Ellie jumped at the sharp voice, then turned back to the girl. She was gone. As she took her seat, Ellie took a piece of paper and made a note of the ghost’s appearance to give to her father. Unable to focus on her lesson, Ellie asked to be excused halfway through it to go to the ‘nurse’.

Ellie found John in what was to become the new PE teacher’s office. It was bizarre to say the least. John was wearing a suit, and had Ellie not known the books he was looking at were lore books, she might have assumed he was coming up with a curriculum.

“Daddy.”

John looked up, surprised. He’d been so wrapped up in his research that he hadn’t seen or heard the door open.   
  


“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you in class?”

“I saw her.” Ellie said. “The ghost. I saw her.”

“What? Where?”

  
“In the hallway right before class started.”

“What did you see?”

“Hang on. I wrote it down. Wanted to make sure I didn’t forget.” Ellie handed John her notes.

John read it over and nodded. “Okay. This is good, Elle Belle.”

Ellie smiled. Praise from her father was rare and valuable. And when she could tell it was genuine, and not an effort on his part just to be nicer, that made it even more valuable.

“Did she do or say anything?” John asked.

“No, sir. She just looked at me. She seemed…I don’t know. She didn’t seem like she was lost.”

“Lost?”

“Well, I always pictured ghosts as lost. Maybe looking for something. Was I wrong?” Ellie asked.

“Not wrong, exactly. Just incomplete.” John explained. “Some ghosts are looking for something. But some of them want to get revenge. Some of them want to pass a message on. Some of them just want to be laid to rest. And there’s times where it’s a mix of all of that. We have to figure out what exactly it is that she wants.”

“How do we do that? We don’t even know her name.”

John sighed. “I don’t know. But we’ll figure it out. Right now, go on back to class, okay? Come find me when it’s free time and we’ll see what else we can find out.”

“Yes, sir.” Ellie said.

Another two days of searching brought no other leads. Friday came, and everyone was frustrated. Everyone except for Ellie. Ellie was still having the time of her life, though she knew she couldn’t tell Dean or John. _Focus on the hunt. That’s what matters, not your own selfish wants._

Friday came, and Ellie was waiting in the library of the school while her father attended a staff meeting. The school was quiet. Too quiet for Ellie’s liking. She’d gotten permission from John to walk around the school, but chose instead to try and finish her homework. Getting nowhere, and starting to wonder what kind of a staff meeting took two hours, Ellie stood up to stretch her legs.

The second she stood up, Ellie’s books were thrown to the floor. Just as she started to realize what had happened, Ellie felt herself pushed down to the ground along with the rest of the books. A sudden, paralyzing fear gripped her, and she wanted to scream but couldn’t.

“Ellison.”

Ellie’s eyes searched the library. Despite the fact that she was on the floor, no one seemed to notice. At five o’clock, the library was nearly deserted anyway, but there was still a teacher and a librarian on the other end of the room.

“Ellison.”

Ellie chanced speaking. Her voice came out in nothing more than a terrified whisper. “Who’s there?”

And there she was. The ghost, looking exactly as before, was standing over top of her.

“Was that you?” Ellie asked. “Was that you I heard calling my name?”

“Yes.” The ghost said. “I’m sorry. I have no other way to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Ellie asked.

The ghost frowned, then turned away from Ellie. Was she…crying?

“Look, can you at least tell me one thing? What’s your name?”

The ghost turned back around and smiled. “My name’s Ellie too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that why you…I don’t know, connected with me?”

“You seem like you really care.” The ghost Ellie said. “Like I’m more than just a spook to you.”

“I do. I want to know what happened to you so I can help you.”

“What about your father?”

“My father? He’ll help you too. Just tell me what happened.”

“No. I can’t tell you.”

Ellie sighed. “Can you tell me _anything_? We’re trying to find it, but we can’t…wait. No one knows you’re dead, do they?”

The ghost Ellie shook her head. “No.”

“Okay. That’s good, that’s a start. Are you missing? Is someone looking for you?”

“I don’t know. My mother might be.”

“Okay. What’s your mom’s name?”

“Rebecca Jamison.” The ghost Ellie said.

“Okay. We can work with that.” Ellie assured her. “Is there anything else you can tell me?”

The ghost Ellie shook her head. “I want to. But I’m scared.”

“Listen to me. My dad and I will help you. The more you tell us, the faster we can help.”

The ghost Ellie looked away. Ellie waited patiently, and finally the ghost Ellie turned back. “My real name is Lily.”

“Lily? Lily Jamison?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know what happened to you?”

“No. I remember having a fight with my father, and the next thing I knew, I was here.”

“What was the fight about?”

Lily suddenly looked panicked. “My strength is leaving me. I can’t tell you about the fight, but if you’ll allow me, I can show you who killed me.”

“Okay.”

Lily placed a hand on Ellie’s cheek, and the next thing Ellie knew, someone else was calling her name. Someone was patting her cheek and calling for ‘Josie’. Ellie opened her eyes and found John and the school nurse standing above her.

“Hey, sweetie.” Nurse Jones said. “You okay? We found you passed out on the floor.”

“Um…” Ellie eyed her father, praying he would get the message that they needed to talk alone. “I stood up and felt real lightheaded.”

“Do you feel okay now?”

“Just a little bit dizzy. Daddy, can we go home? _Now_?”

“Mr. McCoy, you need to take her to the ER.” Nurse Jones urged.

“We’ll do that.” John promised. “Come on, honey. Grab your stuff.”

Ellie allowed herself to be led out of the building, still pretending that she felt faint. As soon as the two of them were in the car, Ellie excitedly told her father the story of what had actually happened in the library. She could tell John was skeptical, and even more so when she revealed who it was that had killed Lily.

“Principal Adams?”


	10. Chapter 10

Sam was more than a little confused.

He’d never seen Ellie this excited about hunting. Dean? Sure. Dean would follow their father to hell and back. While Dean was selflessly devoted to their father, and Sam was hardcore set _against_ their father, Ellie had always straddled the middle. She was _usually_ obedient, but had her own moments where she did what she wanted, damn the consequences. Sam was particularly proud of the night Ellie had snuck out to the talent show. He’d wanted to go with her, be there in the audience to support her, but Ellie wouldn’t hear of it. _I’m doing this, Sam. Not you._ John had sent Sam and Dean out of the room before punishing Ellie for leaving, and it nearly broke Sam’s heart to come back to find her still sniffling and crying, but he would never forget the pride he felt when Ellie finally told him about the show two days later.

But now, it seemed that Sam’s worst fear was coming true. Just like Ellie had her secret about hating their mother, Sam’s was that he was afraid of losing his sister to hunting. That she would join the rest of the family in what Sam saw as an unwinnable fight. And, Sam’s worst fear of all, that his only ally in pursuing a life that didn’t involve hunting was now gone.

The fight that was brewing in the living room brought all of Sam’s thoughts to a standstill. An indignant Ellie was on her feet after John’s latest proclamation.

“What do you mean I’m off the case?”

“You heard me.” John said. Sam couldn’t believe what _he_ heard in his father’s voice. Was John actually sorry?

“So let me get this straight. You don’t believe me what I told you in the car on the way here, but I’m off the case anyway?”

“Yes.”

“What sense does that make?”

“It doesn’t matter if it makes sense or not. You’re off the case.” John said. “Go wash up for dinner.”

“No, sir.”

Ellie’s clear but polite refusal immediately silenced everyone in the room.

“What did you say?” John asked, nearly silently.

“I said no sir. I’m not getting off the case.”

Sam, despite his doubts of earlier, was slack jawed in amazement. Ellie rarely stood up to their father, but when she did, it was a sight to see. He waited with baited breath to see what John’s response would be. John didn’t get the chance to respond before Ellie spoke again.

“I found her. Or, more accurately, she found me. But for some reason, she only wants to talk to me. So if you want to find her body, or find out what happened to her, you’re gonna have to use me.”

Ellie fought, very hard, to keep her voice as level and respectful as she could. She knew that she’d crossed the line already by refusing to do as her father said. She also knew that if she played her cards correctly, John would see that she was being logical and realize that she was their best chance of figuring out this hunt. There was a tense few seconds as everyone waited to see what John had to say next.

“I just want you to be safe.”

Ellie softened a little, but she was too invested now. She had to do this. “I know. I do know that. But I need to do this. I need to prove to you…” Ellie stopped, shifting uncomfortably.

“Prove what?”

“Nothing. Just…I need to stay on, okay? Don’t take me off.”

“Sam. Dean. Bobby. Excuse us.”

“Dad, come on. Don’t do this.” Sam protested.

“Don’t do what, Sam?” John asked impatiently. “I just need to talk to your sister. That’s it.”

“You never just want to _talk_ …”

“Sammy.” Ellie said, holding up a hand. “It’s fine. I’ll meet you outside, Daddy.”

Ellie turned and left the house, and John saw her out the window leaning against the Impala. A still fuming Sam went to follow her outside, only to be stopped by Dean.

“Sam, I swear. I’m just going to talk to her.” John said. “We’ve got some things to settle.”

“Fine.”

The _fine_ grated John’s nerves, and Sam knew it, and John knew that Sam knew it. But he buried the impulse to lecture Sam about his attitude and walked outside with Ellie. She was the important one right now.

What he found out there nearly knocked him flat on the ground. Ellie was trying to scowl, but instead was wiping away tears. She was standing next to the Impala, staring down at the ground, suddenly finding her shoes very interesting. John walked over and couldn’t help but notice Ellie’s barely detectable flinch when he got close.

“I want to know what you think you have to prove to me.”

Ellie knew that her father wasn’t making a request, and she knew that after her refusal in the house she was treading on dangerous ground if she refused to answer his question.

“Ellison, answer me.”

“I have to prove to you I can do it.”

“Why do you think you have to prove that to me?” John asked. “I already know you can do it. You don’t have to prove anything.”

“Yes. I do have to prove it. If I don’t you’ll ship me off again.”

There it was. The truth, as he’d requested it, in all its ugly glory. He’d thought, naively perhaps, that Ellie had realized by now that he’d never send her away again. That he’d acted on impulse in a desperate bid to get her to understand that she needed to follow _all_ his orders to the letter, not just the ones that he gave when they were on hunts. Maybe that made him an uncompromising bastard, but he couldn’t give any inch in keeping her safe. Ellie sniffed beside him, and John cautiously took her hand.

He was briefly haunted by the image of a three-year-old Ellie, who reached out for her father’s hand all the time. The three-year-old Ellie at that moment looked up and smiled at John, filling his heart with the closest thing he’d felt to fatherly pride in thirteen years. She was ridiculously adorable-tight blond curls, eyes the same color as her mother’s, and missing one tooth in the front.

The thirteen-year-old Evy moved away from him, shattering that pride to pieces and filling him with a shame that seemed to encompass him and drown him.

All the things that John wanted to tell her were lost. I love you. I love you so much it hurts. The mere thought of losing you makes me want to burn the world to the ground. But he said none of that. He knew he should. He knew he should swallow his damn pride and take Mary’s advice. _She just needs her daddy to love her right now._ But again, it was all stuck. All he could say was exactly what Ellie expected him to say.

“You’re right. About the case. You made contact with the ghost…”

“Lily.” Ellie said.

“Lily, and you should stay on it. Maybe this is a good hunt for you to get your feet wet. I’m trusting you to finish it. We’ll go talk to Principal Adams in the morning.”

Ellie smiled a bit, not daring to hope that it was true. “You mean that?”

“Yes. I do. But I want to make one thing very clear. When I give you an order, I expect it to be followed. You don’t tell me no like you did inside earlier. You do, and you and I will be having that kind of talk I told your brother we weren’t having. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir. Thank you Daddy.”

“Go inside and get ready for dinner.”

“Yes sir.”

John didn’t know why it hurt so badly when Ellie walked away from him without giving him a hug. He saw her hesitating before she walked, and wondered if she thought he wouldn’t accept it. He heard Sammy laugh at something inside, and shook his head. He’d have to fix this once the hunt was over. Right now, that was what was most important.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Okay. This chapter gave me _fits_. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do with it exactly, and I wrote out four different endings before landing on this one. I want to note some things here. First of all, the mystery of what happened to Lily is somewhat solved, but there are still some questions left unanswered. Real mysteries rarely have all the questions they raised answered, and those of you who read me regularly know that I like having a dose of reality like that in my stories. Second, one of my favorite sayings is that the truth is stranger than fiction. Things are rarely straightforward. Remember that as you read this chapter. Third, John and Ellie do figure out what is making Lily hang around the school, and they do start the process of helping her cross over, but I don’t actually show that part. I thought showing them having the conversation they needed to have was more important. **

**This is the next to the last chapter. There’s one more coming, hopefully by the end of this week.**

Ellie was an idiot.

What was she thinking, _volunteering_ to face a _murderer_?

Sam had tried to talk her out of it the night before. He’d kept her up until two o’clock that morning, running through various reasons as to why she shouldn’t do it. Dad was there. She’d already done good by going to the school and finding the ghost in the first place. She could ask Dad to take care of it, and there was no risk that he’d lose any respect for her. Hell, Sam argued, he’d probably admire her more if she did walk away.

But, as said before, Ellie was an idiot.

She had to do this. She had to prove to John that she could make it as a hunter. Though it wasn’t what she wanted to do with her life, being a part of the family, feeling included and valued by all of them, was much more important to her. So despite her own wishes, Ellie would excel at hunting to make her father happy in the hopes that he would keep her with him.

John had insisted on coming to visit Principal Adams with Ellie. Ellie had only protested a little. In truth, there was no way she’d do this without her father, but the process for getting him to allow her to come was delicate. She had to start by asking to go see the principal solo. John, of course, said no, and that the only thing she would be doing the next day was going to class and keeping an eye out for Lily. With Bobby and Dean’s help, she’d negotiated her current position. Go to principal Adams with her father, and try to get to the bottom of all of this.

The whole trip over to school, Ellie’s mind had been consumed with thoughts of Lily. She could tell the girl was lonely. Ellie certainly understood that feeling, and she wondered if that was what made Lily connect with her. Ellie’s thoughts also drifted to her mother. Was her mother like Lily? Did she know what was going on when she died? Had she been thinking of what she was going through? Had her last thoughts been of Ellie and Sam and Dean?

Did her mother miss her?

John stopped the car and Ellie prepared to exit, all thoughts of her mother being forcibly shaken from her head. She had to focus.

“Ellie, wait.”

Ellie’s hand was on the doorknob, her heart throbbing in anticipation. Was John changing his mind?

“I just wanted to make sure you were really up to this.” John said. “It’s okay if not.”

“I’m fine, Daddy.”

“You know, I know I’m really hard on you.” John said. “I know it’s hard…”

Ellie gripped the doorhandle tighter, not daring to speak.

“But I’m proud of you.”   
  


Ellie turned to look at John with her mouth partially open in shock. It hurt John a little how surprised she seemed to be at his declaration. But she also seemed to be happy with it, so John continued.

“I’m proud of you. And no matter what happens between us, I want you to know that. I am always proud of you.”

“Let’s go inside.” Ellie said quickly. “We’re late.”

John was confused. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting to what he’d shared with Ellie, but it had definitely been more than the reaction he did get. Before he could think on it too much more, Ellie was waving at him to come on. Though John wanted a better relationship with Ellie, he made up his mind then to give it up. He’d made two attempts so far and they’d blown up in his face. He climbed out of the car and walked up to Ellie.

Ellie was confused. For her father to just declare any kind of affection for her was virtually unheard of. He would return any affection she gave him with no trouble. A hug or a kiss or an ‘I love you’ from Ellie never went without being reciprocated from her father, but for him to do it with no prompting was something that Ellie just didn’t know how to deal with. Ellie could tell, as they walked into Principal Adams’ office, that she’d hurt her father, and she made up her mind to talk to him after the hunt was over. Principal Adams took his seat and Ellie felt her stomach flutter in anxiety.

“How can I help you guys?”

John opened his mouth to say something, then got another idea. He turned to Ellie and pointed to principal Adams. _You’re on._ Ellie allowed herself to be shocked for a half second, then nodded.

“We found out who the ghost is.”

Principal Adams’ eyes went wide. “Really?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Okay. I’ll bite. Who is it?”

“Her name is Lily Jamison.”

At the name, Ellie took note of the principal’s reaction. All the color drained from his face. Ellie expected him to look panicked, worried that maybe he’d been caught, but all she saw shock and pain. Ellie looked to her father, who seemed to have not expected the principal’s reaction either.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, sir.” Ellie said. “Do you know her?”

“I do.” Principal Adams said. He reached into his desk and pulled everything out of one drawer. He pulled out a photo and stared at it a moment, before showing it to Ellie. “Is this who you saw?”

“Yes. You mean you haven’t seen her yourself?” Ellie asked.

“No. I just had so many students tell me that they were seeing her I knew it couldn’t be a hoax.” Principal Adams explained. He stared at the photo a moment longer before asking, “Why wouldn’t I have seen her?”

“She’s probably afraid of you.” John said, speaking for the first time since allowing Ellie to take over.

“Afraid of me?” Principal Adams said incredulously. “Why would she be afraid?”

“She shared her last memory with Ellie. The memory of her murder.” John said.

“What are you accusing me of?”

“It was you.” Ellie said. “She got in a fight with someone she said was her father.”

Another look of recognition passed through Principal Adams’ face. “Oh my God.”

“Care to explain?” John asked.   
  


“Ellie. The man Lily showed you. Did he look exactly like me?”

“Yes. He did.”

“Let me show you something.” Principal Adams pulled a photograph from the corner of his desk. It was a picture of two baby boys. Two identical baby boys. “This is me and my brother when we were about six months old.”

  
“You have a twin?” Ellie asked.

“Had a twin.” Principal Adams explained. He cleared his throat and put the photo back where it had been. “I suppose I should start from the beginning.”

“That would be nice.” John said.

  
Ellie could tell that John was skeptical of Principal Adams’ story, but she couldn’t explain why she believed him.

“My brother and I had a good life for the first few years. But our mom and dad died on our first birthday. Our paternal grandparents took us in, but they had a hard time taking care of two babies. So they struck a deal with our maternal grandparents.”

“A deal? What kind of deal?” John asked.

“My paternal grandparents would take care of me, my maternal grandparents would raise my brother. Things went okay for a couple years, but eventually my maternal grandparents moved away. We eventually all lost touch.”

“Was their name Jamison?” Ellie asked.

“Yes. They changed my brother’s last name for some reason to our mother’s maiden name. So, I grew up as Robert Adams, my brother grew up as Jacob Jamison.” Principal Adams sighed at the memory of his brother. “When I turned eighteen, I got in touch with Jacob. He had knocked up a girl from his high school and had an almost two-year-old baby girl.”

“Lily?”

“Lily.” Principal Adams confirmed. “Anyway, Jacob was struggling pretty bad, so I invited him to move in with me. Lily started getting pretty confused at how much alike her father and I looked, and eventually the two of us got pretty close.”

“What happened?”

“For a few years, the four of us all lived together. Lily was a great kid. She was beautiful and smart. She even earned a scholarship to a boarding school, but wouldn’t go because she didn’t want to leave home. Jacob…saw this as an opportunity.”

“What kind of opportunity?” Ellie asked.

“He’d never really wanted to be a dad. He seemed to play the part convincingly enough, but sometimes I’d catch him looking at Lily with…something I didn’t like. A look I couldn’t stomach. But I thought I was just seeing things.” Principal Adams seemed to be piecing parts of the story together as they all talked. “She went missing about a week after the scholarship offer. You don’t think…?”

Before anyone could say anything else, there was someone else in the room with them. Lily was there, her big, worried eyes set on Principal Adams, who was finally crying his first tears.

“Lily?”

“You’re not Daddy?” Lily asked.

“No, baby. Is that why you never came to see me?”

“I came all the time.” Lily said. “But I didn’t know if I could trust you…” She noticed the baby photo that Principal Adams had pulled out to show to Ellie and John. “Uncle Robbie?”

“Yeah, baby. It’s me.”

“Where’s Daddy?” Lily asked. “I didn’t come because you look so much like him. I couldn’t tell for sure…”

“I don’t know, Lily. Your dad disappeared not long after you did.” Principal Adams explained. He took a long, deep, shuddery breath. He closed his eyes a moment, preparing himself to ask the question he didn’t want to know the answer to. “Did your Daddy hurt you? Is that why you never came back?”

“We got in a fight.” Lily said. “He told me I had to go to that school and I told him I wasn’t going. He picked up something and he hit me with it.”

“Lily, this is really, really important. Do you know where your Daddy hid you after he hurt you?”

Lily’s tears were breaking even John’s heart, who was crying silent tears of his own. He couldn’t help but put Ellie in Lily’s place. She had only died a year younger than Ellie was now. But, as before, he couldn’t do anything about those thoughts right now, and he shoved them way down deep. Better to deal with it later.

“He burned me.” Lily said. When I woke back up, he had me in the woods and he was pouring something on me. He took out a match and…”

“Okay. Okay, sweetie. It’s okay.”

“Why am I here?” Lily asked. She turned and took her first look at John. “I don’t want to be here.”

“We’ll figure it out.” John promised. “We’ll help you. Is there anything of yours inside the school?”

“The paintings!” Ellie exclaimed. She looked at Principal Adams and asked, “All the paintings in the hallway are signed with the initials _LJ_.”

“They were Lily’s.” Principal Adams explained. “She painted in her free time. This year is the twentieth anniversary of her disappearance. I decided that they didn’t need to be buried up in my attic anymore collecting dust, so I put one in each hallway.”

“That’ll do it.” John said. “Look, Ellie and I will gather the paintings and bring them in the office. You two spend that time together.”

“Doing what?” Lily asked.

“Saying goodbye.” Ellie answered. “Not a lot of people get the chance to really say goodbye the right way. You should take advantage of it.”

When Ellie and John were out of the office, Principal Adams turned back to Lily. “I’m so sorry, baby girl.”

“For what?” Lily asked.

“That I didn’t look hard enough for you.”

“Did Daddy look for me?” Lily asked.

“No. He lied to us about what happened to you. We knew he was lying, and we tried to find you. But we couldn’t, and then your Daddy left too. We didn’t know what to do after that.”

Lily smiled. “You really loved me, didn’t you?”

“I still do. I miss you every single day, kiddo.”

“Uncle Robbie? Where’s Mommy?”

Principal Adams swallowed. “Your mommy met another man after you and your daddy disappeared. They got married and moved away. Last I heard, she had a little boy.”

“I have a brother?” Lily smiled.

“You sure do.”

“Could you try to find Mommy? Tell her I’m okay and that I love her?”

“Yes. I will do that.”

“And I love you too, uncle Robbie. Thank you for always being real nice to me, even when Daddy wasn’t.”

Principal Adams tentatively reached out for Lily’s hand. Lily offered it to him, and he kissed her palm. “You don’t ever have to thank me for that, baby girl. Can I give you a hug?”

Out in the hallway, John collected the twelfth and last pictures. He and Ellie had received some strange looks from the staff and students for removing the paintings, but each did their job and ignored them. When Ellie and John were back in front of the principal’s office, Ellie grabbed John’s hand before he could open the door.

“Daddy. Wait. I want to say something first.”

“We don’t have much time.” John gently scolded.

“I know. This’ll just take a second.” Ellie promised. She then surprised John by setting her paintings down and wrapping her arms around his waist. “Thank you for what you said this morning. I was just surprised, that’s why I didn’t say anything at first. I’m sorry.”

John smiled. “It’s okay. You’re welcome. I meant every word.”

Ellie looked up without releasing herself from John’s waist. “Daddy, please don’t leave me here. When you leave, take me with you. I belong with you and Deanie and Sammy.”

John patted her cheek and kissed her forehead as he set his own paintings down on the floor next to Ellie’s. “Couldn’t have said that better myself. You better believe you’re coming with us. And I’ll never do something this colossally stupid again.”

“Can I ask you one more question?”

“You may ask it _after_ we send Lily home.” John said. “We need to do this now.”

Ellie grinned. “Yes, sir.”

“Come on. Let’s do this.”


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N: Okay you guys and gals. This chapter is the one that really started this story. This story and Raindrops on Winchesters (the sequel to this one). Fair warning-This chapter does not give us a happy eending.What exactly happens to Ellie is internationally vague in this chapter, but it's spelled out in more detail in the sequel._ **

_ Eighteen Months Later _

Ellie never got to ask her question. 

After completing the hunt, John got more excited than anyone had ever seen him. Ellie had a natural talent for this, and John regretted having never used her for hunts before. Sure, she’d researched for him, but she’d never been in the field. That was changing. 

For a few weeks, John tried to be more understanding of Ellie. Principal Adams invited her to join the school. John could see Ellie had real talent, and had a real shot at a much better life than he could offer. But Ellie shocked him by flatly turning down the offer. 

“No thank you sir. I belong with my family.” 

Ellie did ask to finish out the semester, another three weeks, and John was more than willing to allow it. But things turned sour again. Two failed leads concerning the thing that had killed Mary put even more emotional distance between John and his children. That distance in turn put a strain on the relationships between Sam, Dean, and Ellie as well. Sam and Ellie fought more often than they had before due to John’s tightening restrictions. Dean was constantly put in the middle of fights between his two younger siblings and between his brother and father. He started to leave more often, just like his father. 

It was an ugly cycle, and there seemed to be no way out of it. 

Suddenly, John changed his mind. He came home and told Ellie that she was going on a hunt with another hunter and his son. But Ellie didn’t like the son, Grady Wells, so she refused to go. Only after her first spanking in months did Ellie leave. 

Things cycled downward again. 

Ellie came back from the hunt…different. She wouldn’t talk to anyone. She had nightmares every single night for more than two months. She told no one what had happened on the hunt, only that the monster had been killed and that’s ‘all you need to know’. 

Then came the night of the big blow up. 

Sam and Dean were out. Dean was on a date and Sam was doing whatever it was that Sam usually did when John allowed him some grain of freedom. John was at a bar, attempting to drink his sorrows away and, as it never did, it wasn’t working. Ellie, who claimed that she didn’t feel well, had stayed behind in the room and was supposed to be sleeping. 

Ellie called the bar and asked her father to come home. It was an emergency and she needed to talk to him, and talk to him right now, before Sam and Dean got home. She tearfully recounted the news that she knew would break her family apart. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

In a drunken rage that John would never quite clearly recall, words were said. Well, screamed was probably a much more accurate description. When he found himself standing over Ellie with his fist raised, John had felt sick to his stomach and left the room. 

As he sobered up, John regretted his actions, and made up his mind to go back to the room and set things right with Ellie. This was fixable. He’d promised Ellie that they’d all stay together, and he knew that if Mary had been alive, she would have put him in an early grave for the way he’d treated Ellie. So he came back. 

And the worst thing that had ever happened to John Winchester finally happened. 

Sam came running out of the room with a note. The note was lengthy, but basically boiled down to  _ I’m sorry I let you down, I left so you could move on with your life. _ John tore up three states looking for the missing Ellie, only to get a teary phone call from his friend Jim Murphy. 

Ellie had committed suicide. Two days after leaving the hotel room, she’d gone to a bridge a few miles from Jim’s house and jumped off. 

Now, as he sat in the motel room drinking his wounds away, John thought about what exactly he’d done. He’d always felt responsible for Mary’s death, even if, deep down, he’d known it wasn’t his fault. But this one was all on him. For weeks, Sam’s sobbing and Dean’s bitterness was background. The three of them were barely alive. 

_ Somewhere a few states away _

As John, Sam, and Dean mourned Ellie’s death, no one in the small town thought much about the dirty, ragged teenager that they knew was living in the ally in town. The town had a problem with runaway teens, so no one really checked into who she was. She would dumpster dive for food late at night, sleep a little bit at a time, and repeat the process again the next day. 

She had lost track of the number of cities she'd been in. She wasn't even sure anymore how long it had been since everything happened. It felt like weeks. Her belly growth was steady, though there were days when she was certain that she wasn't actually pregnant. 

A few kind souls tried to give her money, food, or shelter, but she pushed them away. Despite her father's treatment the night she ran away, she she still held his lessons close to heart. Don't trust anyone. Stay alert at all times.

It was exhausting. And with the baby inside her, it was even worse.

There were a few nights that she'd been to a shelter. It wasn't so bad. It kept her fed on more than scraps, and kept her dry and warm for the night. 

Tonight she hadn't been so lucky. The temperature was falling fast, and she had nothing but the clothes she had on to keep her warm. 

_ Go call Bobby. He'll take you in.  _

No, she decided. She knew right away how that conversation would go. Bobby would hear her out, try and convince her that her father hadn't meant a word he said, and she and her baby would be thrown right back into the life. Pastor Jim also crossed her mind. She knew the kindhearted pastor would take her and her baby in. She knew he'd support her, help her finish school and get on her feet. She also knew that he wouldn't make her hip back to her father. In fact, he'd probably insist on her not going. But here would make her talk to him. 

Every time she thought of her father, she thought of how angry he'd been. The image of him with his fist in the air raised to hit her produced more nightmares than any monster she'd ever seen. If her father truly thought of her as no better than someone he might get in a fight with, then she'd never bother him again.

The one haunting thought she had? The one true regret in the entire thing? 

Her brothers.

Sammy had been her best friend since before they were born. There wasn't a single memory she had that Sam wasn't in. They had started school together, gotten in trouble together, gotten boo boos and broken hearts together. She knew that Sammy's heart was broken, and she wished there was a way she could fix it. Fix it without going back anyway.

And Dean. While John may have been her "real" father, Dean was really her father. Dean was the one who patched up the boo boos she and Sammy got. He was the one who soothed her through the nightmares and the broken hearts. He had taught her how to tie her shoes and ride a bike and outrun even the fastest bullies. He hugged and kissed her constantly, even with his 'no chick flick moments' rule in place, because it was what she needed.

If Sammy's heart was broken, she was quite certain that Dean's was shattered. 

But at least the two of them had each other, she thought. She knew that Sam and Dean would never have treated her the way her father did, no matter the circumstances, but she didn't even want to chance the two of them being disappointed in her. Better to leave and let them get on with life. 

Before she had any more thoughts, a strange sensation overtook her. Her stomach was…fluttering? She briefly remembered watching a butterfly as a small child, and the fluttering sensation reminded her of that. It took a moment fir her to realize what was going on, but when she fix, the first smile she'd had in weeks came to her face.

"Hi, little baby. Are you saying hey to Mommy?"

The fluttering came again, and this time she let out a full laugh. 

"I feel you. I hope you're warm enough in there."

She talked to the baby a few minutes longer, laughing every time she felt it moving.

"I don't know whether you're girl or boy yet, so I'm just gonna call you Bunny for now. You like that?"

She took more fluttering to be a yes.

"So listen, Bunny. I'm gonna do my best to try and find a place for us to go. I won't be selfish and keep you if it means you have to live on the streets like this. I want you to have a family that loves you and takes good care of you. Even if that means it can't be me."

The tears were starting again, and she wiped them away.  _ It's time to grow up.  _

"I wish we could go back to Grandpa John. I think he'd really love you if he gave you a chance. But I don't think we can ever go to him. It's just us now, Bunny. So you go to sleep and Mommy'll be here to keep you warm and safe, okay?"

She knew she had to pick a new name for herself. Ellie Winchester was dead, and she needed to stay that way. It came to her that night in a dream. 

Though she'd never known her own mother, she'd long since gotten over her hatred for her. When she woke up from a dream where her mother was rocking her baby in a rocking chair, she made the decision.

Her new name would be Mary Campbell. 

FINIS


End file.
